Ambrose Gwinett Bierce

Ambrose Gwinett

American Editorialist, Journalist, Short Story Writer, Fabulist and Satirist

Author Quotes

Telephone, n. An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of making a disagreeable person keep his distance.

The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.

There are four kinds of Homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable, and praiseworthy.

To be positive: To be mistaken at the top of one's voice.

Unacquainted with grief, I knew not how to appraise my bereavement; I could not rightly estimate the strength of the stroke.

When he had ended, the holy hermit was a moment silent, then said: My son, I have attended to thy story and I know the maiden. I have myself seen her, as have many. Know, then, that she is capricious for she imposeth conditions that man cannot fulfill, and delinquency is punished by desertion. She cometh only when unsought, and will not be questioned. One manifestation of curiosity, one sign of doubt, one expression of misgiving, and she is away!

Women in love are less ashamed than men. They have less to be ashamed of.

Telescope, n. A device having a relation to the eye similar to that of the telephone to the ear, enabling distant objects to plague us with a multitude of needless details. Luckily it is unprovided with a bell summoning us to the sacrifice.

The most attractive thing in the world is the girl who instinctively cover it with a cloth. When reaching and appealing, fascinating even, we put two meters under the ground.

There is nothing new under the sun, but there are many old things that we do not know.

To bother about the best method of accomplishing an accidental result.

Un-American, adj. Wicked, intolerable, heathenish.

When in Rome, do as Rome does.

Year, n. A period of three hundred and sixty-five disappointments.

The art and practice of selling one's credibility for future delivery.

The most intolerant advocate is he who is trying to convince himself.

There may be thunder in Europe but it is in America the lightning will fall.

To Dogmatism the Spirit of Inquiry is the same as the Spirit of Evil.

Virtues, n. pl. Certain abstentions.

When lost in a forest go always down hill. When lost in a philosophy or doctrine go upward.

Year: A period of three hundred and sixty-five disappointments.

The best thing to do with the best things in life is to give them up.

The most offensive egotist is he that fears to say "I" and "me." "It will probably rain "?that is dogmatic. "I think it will rain"?that is natural and modest. Montaigne is the most delightful of essayists because so great is his humility that he does not think it important that we see not Montaigne. He so forgets himself that he employs no artifice to make us forget him.

There was never a genius who was not thought a fool until he disclosed himself; whereas he is a fool then only.

To men a man is but a mind. Who cares what face he carries or what form he wears? But woman's body is the woman. O, stay thou, my sweetheart, and do never go, but heed the warning words the sage hath said: A woman absent is a woman dead.

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Ambrose Gwinett
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American Editorialist, Journalist, Short Story Writer, Fabulist and Satirist