Woody Allen, formally Heywood "Woody" Allen, born Allan Stewart Konigsberg

Allen, formally Heywood "Woody" Allen, born Allan Stewart Konigsberg

American Comedian, Actor, Director, Writer and Playwright

Author Quotes

How wrong Emily Dickinson was! Hope is not the thing with feathers. The thing with feathers has turned out to be my nephew. I must take him to a specialist in Zurich.

I can't do anything to death, doctor's orders.

I don't know what I want, but I know what I don't want.

I have just spent the better part of a week sorting out the miasma of lunatic alibis known as your correspondence in an effort to adjust matters, that our game may be finished simply once and for all.

I should go to Paris and jump off of the Eiffel Tower. If I took the Concorde, I could be dead three hours earlier.

I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox.

I'd call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse.

If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.

In order to be a writer, Maugham continues: one must take chances and not be afraid to look foolish. I Wrote The Razor's Edge While Wearing a hat Paper.

It Seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better... while the bad ones Seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more.

KLEYNMAN: Is it possible at all to get to know the man? I mean, to find out what ... not all of it, but to know him ... really know him ... how I know ... speak to explore one person ... you know what I mean in knowledge? To know him. Really know him. You know it. You know. You know it.

Marshall McLuhan predicted books would become art objects at some point. He WAS right.

My relationship with death remains the same - I'm strongly against it. All I can do is wait for it.

Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year and spends very little on office supplies.

See, I will always have this penchant for what I call kamikaze women. I call them kamikazes because they, you know they crash their plane, they're self-destructive. BUT THEY Crash Into you, and you Die Along with Them.

Some guy hit my car fender the other day, and I said unto him, "Be fruitful and multiply." But not in those words.

The eternal emptiness is fine if you are properly dressed.

The only thing standing between me and greatness is me.

There are two types of people in this world, good and bad. The good sleep better, but the bad seem to enjoy the waking hours much more.

Thought: Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage.

We would often be sorry if our wishes were gratified.

When it comes to sex there are certain things that should always be left unknown, and with my luck, they probably will be.

You know that the universe is coming apart? You know about that? You know what a black hole is? Cookie: Yeah. That's how I make my living.

Human beings are divided into mind and body. The mind embraces all the nobler aspirations, like poetry and philosophy, but the body has all the fun.

I can't fight.

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Allen, formally Heywood "Woody" Allen, born Allan Stewart Konigsberg
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American Comedian, Actor, Director, Writer and Playwright