Bauvard Bauvard

c. 1985

Author of Some Inspiration for the Overenthusiastic, The Prince Of Plungers and I Had a Dream About You

Author Quotes

I didn?t sacrifice everything for love, just my mother when love required a caesarian.

I hope people of the future will remember my books for being burned, and I challenge an elite few to imagine the embers of the last copy.

If you want more development in your relationship, move to an urban area.

Men only treat women like princesses when they want to use them like prostitutes.

Privatization will always be a timid ideology as long as architects are allowed to unveil their buildings.

Sympathy is why when a man is getting mugged, you let him keep his shirt after you take his life. Funerals are respectable affairs, after all.

Trees are corrupting our parks. They should be arrested for loitering. For deciduous trees, add littering and indecent exposure to that list of offenses.

When someone gives me either a democratic or republican pamphlet, I throw it in their face. I?m a librarian, damn it! We only take book donations.

I don?t believe in a lot of phenomena that fall under the term ?parapsychology.? Especially that one branch, psychology. You?re going to tell me there?s something inside my head, controlling me?

I lacked the knowledge of linear perspective needed to get into the art school, so now I whitewash walls and imagine I?m heaven?s landscape painter.

If you want to change the world, just change yourself. The world needs traitors.

Moderation: a median with no means, praised by those with no misfortunes, practiced by those with no merits.

Pure joy is rare. That?s why for every meal I eat a really bloody steak.

Teacher: a master who, through personal example, inspires students to rebel against learning.

Unrequited love is the only possible way to give yourself to another without being held in indentured servitude.

When you don't hold your pipe with the proper poise, smoking is very hazardous for your image.

I don?t know the kind of person I?ll be tomorrow, but I?ll be able to look back on yesterday and ask What was that guy?s problem? The future is full of condescending jerks.

I lost something magical in the process of growing up ? my disillusionment.

If you're a nobody, just imagine a lot of celebrities are in love with you. Narcissism is the best cure for attention deficit disorder.

Modern wife: A position thought to require great ambition to fill. After initially showing some skill at a maid service or department store, the husband takes her home to find that she has risen too high in the world to generalize that skill, which drives him to drink.

Quote: a banal proverb that is considered profound when uttered by a celebrity.

The amount of educational programming on television today is simply desensitizing. The only reason left to go to school is to see gun violence.

Use condoms; it?s wise not to gamble with your children's future.

When you loathe yourself, a true friend will respect your honesty. And if you've been fortunate in life, he will probably share your opinion.

Folk wisdom: quaint sayings of urban sophisticates compiled from the suburbs.

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c. 1985

Author of Some Inspiration for the Overenthusiastic, The Prince Of Plungers and I Had a Dream About You