Bill Cosby, fully William Henry "Bill" Cosby Jr.

Cosby, fully William Henry "Bill" Cosby Jr.

American Contemporary Comedian, Author, Television/Movie Producer, Actor

Author Quotes

I don't spend my hours worrying how to slip a social message into my act.

I said to a guy, I said, "Tell me, what is it about cocaine that makes it so wonderful?", and he said, "Well, it intensifies your personality." I said, "Yes, but what if you're an asshole?"

I wasn't always black... There was this freckle, and it got bigger and bigger.

I'm here for a friend. I brought a couple of boxes of chocolate Jell-O.

Is the glass half full, or half empty? It depends on whether you're pouring, or drinking.

Let us now set forth one of the fundamental truths about marriage: the wife is in charge.

Network executives never did understand what made our show work,

People can be more forgiving than you can imagine. But you have to forgive yourself. Let go of what's bitter and move on.

Suddenly, this romantic agony was enriched by a less romantic one: I had to go to the bathroom. Needless to say, I couldn't let her know about this urge, for great lovers never did such things. The answer to Romeo Romeo, wherefore art thou, Romeo? was not In the men's room, Julie.

The Internet is like Hitler they think they are getting rid of the problem but they're not

The worst thing to do is to die while reading LIFE magazine.

They're standing on the corner and they can't speak English. I can't even talk the way these people talk: Why you ain't, Where you is? . . . I blamed the kid, until I heard the mother talk. . . . And then I heard the father talk. Everybody knows it's important to speak English except these knuckleheads. You can't be a doctor with that kind of crap coming out of your mouth!

We've got to get the gun out of the hands of people who are supposed to be on neighborhood watch.

A thought comes . . . it's a true feeling, a funny feeling. And I get to develop it. [Writing] is more fun than performing, because I get to color with words.

Anyone should be able to say on stage what they want. But those who have knowledge, do understand that certain things on stage can be abused and misused. And if such topics are used just for laughter, the humor will not stand the test of time.

Failure is simply the opportunity to begin again, this time more intelligently.

Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home.

I don't think you can bring the races together by joking about the differences between them. I'd rather talk about the similarities, about what's universal in their experiences.

I see Obama as Sisyphus in the first four years. And nobody would speak about the size of the rock, or the elevation of the hill. All you hear people talk about is what he didn't do.

I watch an awful lot of television, and I get a little tired of what I see... We have about six television sets in our house, and it's less expensive for me to do a television series than it is for me to throw them all out.

I'm not going out and hitting a 95-mph fastball where I can't see the stitches. I'm not on a professional football team looking to tackle a fullback who is built like solid wood. I'm a thinking person, and I've been blessed with the ability to see some things and talk about them in a way that registers in a humorous and funny way.

It doesn't have to be that way.

Like everyone else who makes the mistake of getting older, I begin each day with coffee and obituaries.

Never say [to younger people] that was before your time, because the last full moon was before their time!

People have all kinds of approaches when they come up to me. Some of them are so nervous: 'You know, Mr. Cosby, you are my biggest fan!' I am? Some of them even claim that I raised them.

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Cosby, fully William Henry "Bill" Cosby Jr.
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American Contemporary Comedian, Author, Television/Movie Producer, Actor