Great Throughts Treasury

"But when I see a story on welfare on television, they only show black people."

"Almost all those politicians took money from Enron, and there they are holding hearings. That?s like O.J. Simpson getting in the Rae Carruth jury pool."

"On the Portland Trail Blazers (back when they were known as the Jail Blazers) serving Thanksgiving meals: In between arrests they do community service."

"All I know is, as long as I led the Southeastern Conference in scoring, my grades would be fine."

"Amar?e Stoudemire made me laugh; I?ve been watching the press conferences the last couple of days. He said, ?you know, people praise you when you do well and they criticize you when do bad.? I said, ?Duh!? That?s the way it works. These guys are so sensitive and if you don?t play well, it?s not personal, you?re going to get criticized."

"Any professional league that goes on strike right now - that's just suicide."

"20 pts and 10 rebounds will get you through also!"

"Any time a little midget does something like this, you gotta give him a 10! [On one of Nate Robinson's dunks during All Star weekend]"

"After Kevin Garnett threw a ball into the crowd out of frustration and was ejected. They showed footage of the man that got hit by the ball being taken away in a stretcher and his daughter was crying. Charles commented that players take passes to the face all the time. He topped it off by saying: You know why that little girl's crying? It's because she's thinking 'my daddy's a wussy'."

"As long as you got Dwight Howard, you can get guys off the street and (your team) will still be impressive."

"Any time something bad happens to a black person because of racism, I feel it in my soul. I really do. You take the Abner Louima case. That let me know one thing: If some white guys wanted to stick a plunger up a black guy's butt, and I'm the black guy who happened to be around, I'd have a plunger up my butt."

"Auburn is a pretty good school. To graduate from there I suppose you really need to work hard and put forth maximum effort."

"Anytime a fan touches you, you have the right to beat the hell out of him."

"Bad team, man. Bad fucking team."

"Birdman?s hair looks like Tweety Bird."

"Both of y?all are2 going to hell for that. Y?all are going to hell with a first-class ticket. Is that how you treat your partner? Krispy Kreme might be the greatest invention in the history of civilization when they?re hot. Y?all are cruel man. [Barkley on Ernie Johnson and Kenny Smith eating a box of hot Krispy Kreme donuts in front of him]"

"Charles Barkley after seeing a picture of Sam Cassell on the screen: Phone home. And later he remarks to Kenny, Sam Cassell is a good guy, but he's not going to wind up on the cover of GQ anytime soon."

"'Broadcasting for dummies'? This is for you, Ernie."

"Can I Play??"

"Conan O?Brien has got to be the luckiest guy in the whole entire world. First of all, they gave him $40 million to fire him, which I want one of those deals, and now he?s already working again."

"Charles Barkley regarding Dan Issels fine when calling a heckling fan a Mexican. I don't think he (Issel) should have been fined or suspended. Some fans just need to be beaten down!"

"Damn Ted Turner! Whose idea was it to start these games at nine o'clock? That's some sad shit! When I own this network, there's gonna be a lot of changes around here. Number one - all your asses are gonna be history!."

"Dick Bavetta and Moses parted the Red Sea together."

"Every time I think about changing a diaper, I run a little bit harder and a little bit faster to make sure I can afford a nanny until my daughter's old enough to take care of that herself."

"Everybody should have the right to be honest. Only in sports and celebrity can you not be honest. -- Barkley quoted in a profile on HBO's Real Sports."

"Ernie Johnson, on Reggie Evans being caught grabbing the rocks of Chris Kaman: (Reggie Evans) got caught with his hand in the cookie jar. Charles Barkley: Ernie, I don't know where you get your cookies at but the rest of us don't get ours there."

"Ernie: Do the Knicks have any chance of turning things around?Charles: Heeellll No! Ernie: What's the Knick's problem right now? Charles: They no good. To Kenny: That's what I just said! I hate when you repeat after me and try to sound intelligent."

"Did they recognize you in South Dakota? Charles: Yes, they did. It was easy because I was the only black person there. When they see me walking down the street they say 'There he goes again'. And when I come back the next year they say 'He's back yawl!'"

"Did you graduate from Auburn? Charles: No, but I have a couple people working for me who did."

"First of all, you don't want the Chinese mad at you: They can fight!"

"From now on, if Michael or Shaq aren't playing, I ain?t showing up. [to the studio]"

"He [Kenny] knows basketball and I know a little bit, but I'm just here for good looks."

"He [Kenny] said Yao Ming's gonna get 19 points. If he gets 19 points in a game, I'll kiss [Kenny's] ass."

"Hakeem couldn't kick your ass cuz you were too close, kissin his!"

"He played like a girl all last year. TV made him a superstar. Now he has to play like one and quit whining. [on Vince Carter]"

"He will probably win, but that movie [Gangs of New York] was terrible -- Barkley, predicting that Daniel Day-Lewis will win the Oscar for Best Actor."

"Hell, there ain't but 15 black millionaires in the whole country and half of 'em are right here in this room. [On the All-Star Game]"

"How did you not become a Laker fan like all the other phony celebrities? [To Billy Crystal, the only 'famous' Clippers fan]"

"I always hang out with people with money and make them pay for everything."

"Hey Stanley, you could be a great player if you learned just two words: I'm full. [Barkley yelling to 300-plus-pound Houston Rockets teammate Stanley Roberts]"

"How long do you think Steve Nash spent on his hair? 5 seconds? 10 seconds?"

"I can be bought. If they paid me enough, I'd work for the Klan."

"I always laugh when people ask me about rebounding techniques. I've got a technique. It's called just go get the damn ball."

"He's got to bring something stronger than that. That's like bringing milk to a bar, it's not strong enough [After Wang has a shot blocked]"

"I can't believe we're talking about high school guys being good in the NBA when they average six points a game. I could do that right now, and I ain't touched a basketball in a couple of months."

"I can?t screw up Alabama? We are number 48 in everything and Arkansas and Mississippi aren?t going anywhere."

"I do not use words like liberal or conservative. You can ask me a question and I will give you an answer. Those are words rich people on television use to divide and conquer."

"I don?t care what people think. People are stupid."

"I don?t know anything about Angola, but Angola?s in trouble."

"I don?t create controversies. They?re there long before I open my mouth. I just bring them to your attention."