Garrison Keillor, fully Gary Edward "Garrison" Keillor

Garrison
Keillor, fully Gary Edward "Garrison" Keillor
1942

American Author, Storyteller, Humorist, Essayist and Radio Personality, Creator of Radio’s “A Prairie Home Companion”

Author Quotes

There's no mastery to be had. You love the attempt. You don't master a story any more than you master a river. You feel lucky to canoe down it.

We want government to stave off lawlessness and war and chaos and economic misery so that we can wholeheartedly enjoy the pure goodness of life.

You're such a big liar you gotta get your neighbor to call your dog.

They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.

We were not allowed to go to movies because they glorified worldliness. People drank in movies. They drank like fish. They smoked cigarettes. They danced. And we did not do those things. I don't think people smoked as much on radio.

The gains in life come slowly and the losses come on suddenly. You work for years to get your life the way you want it and buy the big house and the time share on Antigua and one afternoon you…

They will become a prison of their own.

We writers don't really think about whether what we write is good or not. It's too much to worry about. We just put the words down, trying to get them right, operating by some inner sense of pitch and proportion, and from time to time, we stick the stuff in an envelope and ship it to an editor.

The Gospel is meant to comfort the afflicted and afflict the comfortable.

They would not be smart enough to pour piss out of their boots, if the instructions were written on the sole.

Wealth is what's here on the premises. If I open a cupboard and see, say, thirty cans of tomato sauce and a five-pound bag of rice, I get a little thrill of well-being — much more so than if I take a look at the quarterly dividend report from my mutual fund.

The great unrequited love tears open your heart to the beauty of the world, its small rivers and upland meadows. It also makes you kinder to the next hundred thousand persons who cross your path.

This is a great country, and it wasn't made so by angry people. We have a sacred duty to bequeath it to our grandchildren in better shape than however we found it. We have a long way to go and we're not getting any younger. Dante said that the hottest place in Hell is reserved for those who in time of crisis remain neutral, so I have spoken my piece, and thank you, dear reader. It's a beautiful world, rain or shine, and there is more to life than winning.

Welcome to Lake Wobegon, where all the women are strong, all the men are good-looking, and all the children are above average.

The highlight of my childhood was making my brother laugh so hard that food came out of his nose.

This is America and I'll make as much noise as I want so just shut your own mouth.

Well, they're taking kids out of the country and sending them over there, National Guard kids and Army Reserve. They're sending kids who are barely prepared for this, and they're sending them over there to kill people, which is a serious thing. And to kill not terrorists, but to kill insurgents. I sort of find myself in agreement, uncomfortably, with Patrick Buchanan, who writes about this in his book, Where The Right Went Wrong. And writes that great powers, the way they skidded off the road, were getting involved in wars. That it's the role of great powers to stay out of wars.

The majority of people who keel over dead at concerts are killed by a long trumpet passage.

This is Democratic bedrock: we don't let people lie in the ditch and drive past and pretend not to see them dying. Here on the frozen tundra of Minnesota, if your neighbor's car won't start, you put on your parka and get the jumper cables out and deliver the Sacred Spark that starts their car. Everybody knows this. The logical extension of this spirit is social welfare and the myriad government programs with long dry names all very uninteresting to you until you suddenly need one...

When in doubt, look intelligent.

The mass of men lead lives of shallow happiness; the superior man exults in his gloom.

To know and to serve God, of course, is why we're here, a clear truth, that, like the nose on your face, is near at hand and easily discernible but can make you dizzy if you try to focus on it hard. But a little faith will see you through. What else will do except faith in such a cynical, corrupt time? When the country goes temporarily to the dogs, cats must learn to be circumspect, walk on fences, sleep in trees, and have faith that all this woofing is not the last word. What is the last word, then? Gentleness is everywhere in daily life, a sign that faith rules through ordinary things: through cooking and small talk, through storytelling, making love, fishing, tending animals and sweet corn and flowers, through sports, music and books, raising kids — all the places where the gravy soaks in and grace shines through. Even in a time of elephantine vanity and greed, one never has to look far to see the campfires of gentle people.

When it comes to finding available men in Minnesota, the odds are good, but the goods are odd.

The most un-American thing you can say is, 'You can't say that.

To many Americans, whose only knowledge of the North Star State is that it is intensely cold and populated by Swedes and Holsteins, it will come as a surprise to wake up one morning in 2004 and read in the newspaper, "Half of U.S. Economy Now in Hands of Minnesota".

Author Picture
First Name
Garrison
Last Name
Keillor, fully Gary Edward "Garrison" Keillor
Birth Date
1942
Bio

American Author, Storyteller, Humorist, Essayist and Radio Personality, Creator of Radio’s “A Prairie Home Companion”