Garrison Keillor, fully Gary Edward "Garrison" Keillor

Garrison
Keillor, fully Gary Edward "Garrison" Keillor
1942

American Author, Storyteller, Humorist, Essayist and Radio Personality, Creator of Radio’s “A Prairie Home Companion”

Author Quotes

A book is a gift you can open again and again.

Demagogues thrive in dim light.

I believe in looking reality straight in the eye and denying it.

If you give your child a vice, why not give it one that will get it through medical school?

Lake Wobegon, where smart doesn't count for so much. A minister has to be able to read a clock. At noon, it's time to go home and turn up the pot roast and get the peas out of the freezer.

Nothing you do for children is ever wasted. They seem not to notice us, hovering, averting our eyes, and they seldom offer thanks, but what we do for them is never wasted.

Sometimes you have to look reality in the eye and deny it.

A girl in a bikini is like having a loaded gun on your coffee table- There's nothing wrong with them, but it's hard to stop thinking about.

Describing what would happen if Minnesota sold Lake Superior: One day Donald Trump will discover that he is owned - lock, stock, and roulette wheel - by the Lutheran Brotherhood and must renegotiate his debt load with a committee of silent Norwegians who don't understand why anyone would pay more than $120 for a suit.

I can see how I could write a bold account of myself as a passionate man who rose from humble beginnings to cut a wide swath in the world, whose crimes along the way might be written off to extravagance and love and art, and could even almost believe some of it myself on certain days after the sun went down if I’d had a snort or two and was in Los Angeles and it was February and I was twenty-four, but I find a truer account in the Herald-Star, where it says: Mr. Gary Keillor visited at the home of Al and Florence Crandall on Monday and after lunch returned to St. Paul, where he is currently employed in the radio show business… Lunch was fried chicken with gravy and creamed peas.

If you lived today as if it were your last, you'd buy up a box of rockets and fire them all off, wouldn't you?

Liberalism is dead, so dead that Democrats have all become moderate Republicans, and the heavy hand of Big Government is now limp and damp and trembly.

On investments, 1998: Where I'm from we don't trust paper. Wealth is what's here on the premises. If I open a cupboard and see, say, 30 cans of tomato sauce and a five-pound bag of rice, I get a little thrill of well-being - much more so than if I take a look at the quarterly dividend report from my mutual fund.

Thank you, dear God, for this good life and forgive us if we do not love it enough. Thank you for the rain. And for the chance to wake up in three hours and go fishing: I thank you for that now, because I won't feel so thankful then.

A good newspaper is never nearly good enough but a lousy newspaper is a joy forever.

Dogs don't lie and why should I? Strangers come they growl and bark, they know their loved ones in the dark, Now let me, by night or day, Be just as full of truth as they.

I grew up with the Kellogg's Variety Pack in a family of eight--so I know about unfairness.

I'm not busy... a woman with three children under the age of 10 wouldn't think my schedule looked so busy.

Librarians, Dusty, possess a vast store of politeness. These are people who get asked regularly the dumbest questions on God's green earth. These people tolerate every kind of crank and eccentric and mouth-breather there is.

One day Donald Trump discovers that he is owned, lock, stock, and roulette wheel, by Lutheran Brotherhood, and must renegotiate his debt load with a committee of silent Norwegians who don't understand why anyone would pay more than $120 for a suit.

Thank you, God, for this good life and forgive us if we do not love it enough.

A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together.

English is the perfect language for preachers because it allows you to talk until you think of what to say.

I have taken so many wrong turns and been so careless with precious things and managed to lose, or break, or leave out in the rain so much that I loved.

Important book reading is a solitary and sedentary pursuit, and those who do are cautioned that a book should be used as an integral part of a well-rounded life, including a daily regimen of rigorous physical exercise, rewarding personal relationships, and sensible low-fat diet. A book should not be used a as a substitute or an excuse.

Author Picture
First Name
Garrison
Last Name
Keillor, fully Gary Edward "Garrison" Keillor
Birth Date
1942
Bio

American Author, Storyteller, Humorist, Essayist and Radio Personality, Creator of Radio’s “A Prairie Home Companion”