Groucho Marx, Pseudonym for Julius Henry Marx

Groucho
Marx, Pseudonym for Julius Henry Marx
1895
1977

American Comedic Actor, Writer

Author Quotes

With the possible exception of clothes, beauty salons and Frank Sinatra, there are few subjects all women agree upon.

You’re a woman who’s been getting nothing but dirty breaks. Well, we can clean and tighten your brakes, but you’ll have to stay in the garage all night.

Wives are people who feel they don’t dance enough.

You’re heading for a breakdown. Why don’t you pull yourself to pieces.

Women should be obscene and not heard.

You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen, and that’s not saying much for you.

Would you mind getting off that fly paper and giving the flies a chance? Ahhh, you can't trick me! Flies don't read papers!

You’ve forgotten those June nights at the Riviera... the night I drank champagne from your slipper - two quarts. It would have been more but you were wearing inner soles.

Years ago, I tried to top everybody, but I don't anymore, I realized it was killing conversation. When you're always trying for a topper you aren't really listening. It ruins communication.

You’ve got the brain of a four-year-old boy, and I’ll bet he was glad to get rid of it.

Yes, darling, let me cover your face with kisses… On second thought, just let me cover your face.

You're a brave man. Go and break through the lines. And remember, while you're out there risking your life and limb through shot and shell, we'll be in here thinking what a sucker you are.

Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, and I'm going to be happy in it.

You've forgotten those June nights at the Riviera... the night I drank champagne from your slipper--two quarts. It would have been more but you were wearing inner soles.

You are going Uruguay, and I’m going my way.

You've got the brain of a four-year-old boy, and I bet he was glad to get rid of it

You call this a party? The beer is warm, the women cold and I’m hot under the collar.

You can leave in a huff. Or you can leave in a minute and a huff.

You can leave in a taxi. If you can't get a taxi, you can leave in a huff. If that's too soon, you can leave in a minute and a huff. You know, you haven't stopped talking since I came here? You must have been vaccinated with a phonograph needle.

Why, a four-year-old child could understand this report. Run out and find me a four-year-old child. I can't make head nor tail out of it.

You get a canoe later and I’ll paddle you.

Why, I’d horse-whip you if I had a horse.

You have to get up early if you want to get out of bed.

Why, look at me. I've worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.

You haven’t stopped talking since we got here! You must have been vaccinated with a phonograph needle!

Author Picture
First Name
Groucho
Last Name
Marx, Pseudonym for Julius Henry Marx
Birth Date
1895
Death Date
1977
Bio

American Comedic Actor, Writer