John Hodgman


American Author and Humorist

Author Quotes

What better emblem for our nation, after all, than a level playing field, shaped like an octagon, where people of diverse cultural ass-kicking traditions can meet as equals and immediately start kicking ass.

I'm a personality - like a George Plimpton who effectively plays himself in a bunch of different roles, or a Paul Lynde-type character.

My fame is due to broadcast television.

The few people who ask to have their photographs with me, I almost always say yes, except for a few circumstances, like when my family is around.

What if RAGNAROK does not come? What if it does not happen the way I say it is going to happen?

In the '80s and '90s, I was really interested in, moved by, exhilarated by, and troubled by rap in all the ways a white person from Brookline, Massachusetts should be. That was music that was making trouble, and it was interesting and provocative trouble.

My type of humor is me not caring whether people know what I'm talking about or not.

The geographic center of North America is historically located in Osborne County, Kansas. It is said that all armies will bow to the one who controls it.

What would I put in a museum? Probably a museum! That's an amusing relic of our past.

It seems that every generation needs its public, tweedy, literary personality to sell its consumer electronics. To whatever degree I can live up to the Plimptonian legacy, I am humble and proud.

Not as many people watch 'Doctor Who' as watch the Super Bowl, obviously, but the tropes that attract nerds are no longer a secret cult. It's a much larger culture, in the specific sense.

The most important book on the Internet is, essentially, the Internet.

When I listen to music - I don't particularly do it for fun all that much. It's not a big part of my life, and I'm not really on top of what's happening in the world of music in the way I was when I was a teenager.

It would be rather naive to imagine that Oprah doesn't have an Earth Evacuation Plan. You know Richard Branson does - his is in plain sight.

One can always come up with funny lists and jokes. You know what? I take it back. Not everyone can always come up with funny lists and some jokes. I'm very lucky to have a gift where I can do that pretty ably.

The silhouette was named for Etienne de Silhouette, the notoriously stingy finance minister for Louis XV, who ironically was himself incapable of casting a shadow, due to lycanthropy.

When you think about it, the end of the world is a little bit like death: We all know it's going to come eventually, and as we get older, we feel we see the signs more and more distinctly.

Creating fake facts does require a measure of haphazard research, insofar as they need to not just be possible, but also interesting.

Everyone wants to write a book. Very few people are able to do it.

First of all, I wish I could grow a beard.

For a long time, I would write without music, because I thought it was distracting until I appreciated that it actually unlocks a certain unconscious productivity vault in my mind.

A lot of media that that I want to consume, I don't want to have to own forever and ever. It's not like real estate.

For the first time in history, well-educated, affluent, white males are going to have their say.

A lot of my time is spent reading antique or out-of-print books of reference.

Generally speaking, I think it is fair to say that I am a friend to the creatures of the Earth when I am not busy eating them or wearing them.

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American Author and Humorist