Mark Twain, pen name of Samuel Langhorne Clemens

Mark
Twain, pen name of Samuel Langhorne Clemens
1835
1910

American Writer, Humorist

Author Quotes

I never felt so fervently thankful, so soothed, so tranquil, so filled with a blessed peace, as I did yesterday when I learned that Michael Angelo was dead.

I saw a startling sight today, a politician with his hands in his own pockets.

I was born intelligent, education ruined me.

I wonder how much it would take to buy a soap bubble, if there were only one in the world.

I have too much respect for the truth to drag it out on every trifling occasion.

I never made a success of a lecture delivered in a church yet. People are afraid to laugh in a church. They can't be made to do it in any possible way.

I shall never use profanity except in discussing house rent and taxes.

I was born lazy. I am no lazier now than I was forty years ago, but that is because I reached the limit forty years ago. You can't go beyond possibility.

I wonder if God created man because He was disappointed with the monkey.

I have witnessed and greatly enjoyed the first act of everything which Wagner created, but the effect on me has always been so powerful that one act was quite sufficient; whenever I have witnessed two acts I have gone away physically exhausted; and whenever I have ventured an entire opera the result has been the next thing to suicide.

I never write metropolis for seven cents because I can get the same price for city. I never write policeman because I can get the same money for cop.?

I should not be able to make any one understand how exciting it all was. You know that kind of quiver that trembles around through you when you are seeing something so strange and enchanting and wonderful that it is just a fearful joy to be alive and look at it; and you know how you gaze, and your lips turn dry and your breath comes short, but you wouldn't be anywhere but there, not for the world.

I was born modest; not all over, but in spots.

I would do it myself, but my intelligence is out of repair.

I haven't a particle of confidence in a man who has no redeeming petty vices whatsoever.

I no see not that that frog has nothing of better than another.

I started out alone to seek adventures. You don't really have to seek them?that is nothing but a phrase?they come to you.

I was born modest? but it didn?t last.

I would like to live in Manchester, England. The transition between Manchester and death would be unnoticeable.

I haven't any right to criticize books, and I don't do it except when I hate them. I often want to criticize Jane Austen, but her books madden me so that I can't conceal my frenzy from the reader; and therefore I have to stop every time I begin. Every time I read Pride and Prejudice I want to dig her up and beat her over the skull with her own shin-bone.

I notice that you use plain, simple language, short words and brief sentences. That is the way to write English - it is the modern way and the best way. Stick to it; don't let fluff and flowers and verbosity creep in. When you catch an adjective, kill it. No, I don't mean utterly, but kill most of them - then the rest will be valuable. They weaken when they are close together. They give strength when they are wide apart. An adjective habit, or a wordy, diffuse, flowery habit, once fastened upon a person, is as hard to get rid of as any other vice.

I still believe, in spite of everything, that people are truly good at heart.

I was dead for millions of years before I was born and it never inconvenienced me a bit.

I would rather have my ignorance than another man's knowledge, because I have so much more of it.

I know all those people. I have friendly, social, and criminal relations with the whole lot of them.

Author Picture
First Name
Mark
Last Name
Twain, pen name of Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Birth Date
1835
Death Date
1910
Bio

American Writer, Humorist