American Sociologist, Life Coach, Author and Speaker
Martha Beck, fully Martha Nibley Beck
American Sociologist, Life Coach, Author and Speaker
if two people agree on everything, one of them is superfluous.
If you're miserable, make a choice. If you're still miserable, you can choose again.
It isn?t necessary to know exactly how your ideal life will look; you only have to know what feels better and what feels worse? Begin making choices based on what makes you feel freer and happier, rather than on how you think an ideal life should look. It?s the process of feeling our way toward happiness, not the realization of the Platonic ideal that creates our best lives.
Loneliness is proof that your innate search for connection is intact.
My deep belief is that all of us have the same lifelong work: to learn honesty, courage, and love. To learn, in other words, how to be our best selves.
Peace is more than just a feeling. It's the mental and physical frequency where you'll find all your real power.
Silence comes in two varieties: One that nourishes and comforts; another that chokes, smothers, and isolates. Solitary confinement is the worst kind of imprisonment we can inflict on fellow humans, and if you are forced to keep silent about some dark secret, you live in solitary confinement. Without the bridge of communication connecting you to other human beings, you can?t share your burdens, can?t receive comfort, can?t confirm that you still belong. Silence is the abyss that separates you from hope.
The holy days are the best times to focus on real enthusiasm, the inner source that lightens and sanctifies our lives all year.
The pretty girls get all the good stuff. Oh, God. So not true. I unlearned this after years of coaching beautiful clients. Yes, these lovelies get preferential treatment in most life scenarios, but there's a catch: While everyone's looking at them, virtually no one sees them. Almost every gorgeous client had a husband who'd married her breasts and jawline without ever noticing her soul.
This is important stuff, so it's crucial not to get too serious, to realize that this is all fun and games. The attitude 'business is serious, it's not fun and games' leads to financial failure, and I won't tolerate it in my company.
Try seeing your world and yourself this way, eyes open to whatever is before you, mind free of dichotomies. Are you good or bad, fragile or tough, wise or foolish? Yes. And so am I.
What would you do if you knew that every good thing in your life depended on your getting enough rest? Because it does.
You are lovable. Can you show me any baby in any nursery who isn't priceless? No. There's no such thing as a worthless newborn. And the essential value that was born into brand-new-baby you can never be extinguished. This means that even if you think you're being absolutely honest, believing yourself to be anything other than astonishing, incomparable, and infinitely precious makes you a habitual liar.
If we're stuck with having expectations, there's a very good reason to embrace positive ones: it's that we often create what we anticipate.
If you're religious, it gives you a perspective.
It matters what people think of me. "But if I fail," you may protest, "people will think badly of me!" This dreaded fate causes despair, suicide, homicide. I realized this when I read blatant lies about myself on the Internet. When I bewailed this to a friend, she said, "Wow, you have some painful fantasies about other people's fantasies about you." Yup, my anguish came from my hypothesis that other people's hypothetical hypotheses about me mattered. Ridiculous! Right now, imagine what you'd do if it absolutely didn't matter what people thought of you. Got it? Good. Never go back.
Loss is terrible. Ten years ago I still feared loss enough to abandon myself in order to keep things stable. I'd smile when I was sad, pretend to like people who appalled me. What I now know is that losses aren't cataclysmic if they teach the heart and soul their natural cycle of breaking and healing. A real tragedy? That's the loss of the heart and soul themselves. If you've abandoned yourself in the effort to keep anyone or anything else, unlearn that pattern. Live your truth, losses be damned. Just like that, your heart and soul will return home.
My own nature hovers between neurotic and paranoid. I've developed the habit of mentally listing things that make me optimistic about the future. I do it every day.
People are so afraid of authority figures and doctors are authority figures.
Slow is fast, gentle is powerful and stillness moves mountains.
The idea is to identify a destructive thought pattern, then simply label it and watch it and let it pass by whenever it appears in your mind.
The process of spotting fear and refusing to obey it is the source of all true empowerment.
This is it, I thought. This is the part of us that makes our brief, improbable little lives worth living: the ability to reach through our own isolation and find strength, and comfort, and warmth for and in each other. This is what human beings do. This is what we live for, the way horses live to run.
Trying to motivate yourself with fear is like screaming at a child, Do something, dammit! You?ll either freeze up or act in counterproductive ways. Fear widens the knowing-doing gap. Don?t use it.