Great Throughts Treasury

"Happiness isn't something you experience; it's something you remember."

"A politician is a man who will double cross that bridge when he comes to it."

"I have given up reading books; I find it takes my mind off myself."

"I was once thrown out of a mental hospital for depressing the other patients."

"It's not a pretty face, I grant you. But underneath its flabby exterior is an enormous lack of character."

"Every time I look at you I get a fierce desire to be lonesome."

"It's not what you are, it's what you don't become that hurts."

"Once I make up my mind, I'm full of indecision."

"So little time and so little to do."

"There's a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line."

"In some situations I was difficult, in odd moments impossible, in rare moments loathsome, but at my best unapproachably great."

"When I was young I looked like Al Capone, but I lacked his compassion."

"I knew Doris Day before she was a virgin."

"Schizophrenia beats dining alone. "

"A dollar saved is a quarter earned."

"An epigram is only a wisecrack that's played at Carnegie Hall."

"A pun is the lowest form of humor - when you don't think of it first."

"Behind the phony tinsel of Hollywood lies the real tinsel."

"Hypochondria, manic depression and addictions."

"I am no more humble than my talents require."

"I don't drink. I don't like it, it makes me feel good."

"I can remember Doris Day before she was a virgin."

"I envy people who drink - at least they know what to blame everything on."

"I have no trouble with my enemies. But my goddam friends,...they are the ones that keep me walking the floor nights."

"I really am suffering from amnesia, because I took shock treatments, and it reminds me I was - I came back from the hospital, and I was watching a television - an old picture with Ralph Richardson in where he's suffering from amnesia. And my wife came in, my wonderful wife, she really is, and said what are you watching? I said there's a movie with Ralph Richardson in it about amnesia. He's suffering from amnesia. I want to see how it turns out. She said but you saw it last week."

"I once said cynically of a politician, "He'll double-cross that bridge when he comes to it.""

"I stumble and then I fall into a coma."

"I remember when he [Ira Gershwin] was given the manuscript of a novel written by a woman friend who had hopes of having it published. To his astonishment it turned out to be the dirtiest, most pornographic book he had ever read. When the lady mentioned that she intended to use a nom de plume, Ira suggested she call herself Henrietta Miller."

"It?s not what your are, it?s what you don?t become that hurts."

"I think a lot of Bernstein - but not as much as he does."

"I'm a study of a man in chaos in search of frenzy."

"I?m a concert pianist. That?s a pretentious way of saying I?m unemployed at the moment."

"I'm controversial. My friends either dislike me or hate me ."

"I'm going to memorize your name and throw my head away."

"I've given up reading books. I find it takes my mind off myself."

"My last picture for Warner?s was Romance on the High Seas. It was Doris Day's first picture; that was before she became a virgin."

"I've been around so long, I knew Doris Day before she was a virgin."

"Now that Marilyn Monroe is kosher, Arthur Miller can eat her."

"Once Dwight Eisenhower makes up his mind, he's full of indecision."

"Once he makes up his mind, he's full of indecision. [On Dwight D. Eisenhower]"

"Strip away the phony tinsel of Hollywood and you find the real tinsel underneath."

"So consequently, I've been devoting my time to writing a book called "Memoirs of a Man Suffering from Amnesia," and I don't have a page filled."

"She has discovered the secret of perpetual middle age."

"The first thing I do in the morning is brush my teeth and sharpen my tongue."

"Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm schizophrenic, and so am I."

"The only difference between the Democrats and the Republicans is that the Democrats allow the poor to be corrupt, too."

"There are two sides to every question: my side and the wrong side."

"What the world needs is more geniuses with humility - there are so few of us left."

"Underneath this flabby exterior is an enormous lack of character."

"When I can't sleep, I read a book by Steve Allen."