P. J. O'Rourke

P. J.
O'Rourke
1947

American Political Satirist, Journalist, Writer and Author

Author Quotes

When the government runs out of lenders, it can do something that households are forbidden to do: print money.

The proper behavior all through the holiday season is to be drunk. This drunkenness culminates on New Year's Eve, when you get so drunk you kiss the person you're married to.

The words 'Space Age' have a quaint, nostalgic tone - sitting on midcentury modern furniture watching 'The Jetsons.'

There are two organizations pushing for change in November - al Qaeda and the Democratic party. And they both have the same message: 'We're going to fix you, America.' On the whole, the terrorists have a more straightforward plan for fixing things. They're going to blow themselves up. Although, come to think of it, Howard Dean did that.

There's only one secret to bachelor cooking- not caring how it tastes.

Veal is a very young beef and, like a very young girlfriend, it's cute but boring and expensive.

We have the British motor industry as a role model for what happens when you try to save an industrial dinosaur. Britain was the first country to industrialize and the first to de-industrialize. We should learn from this.

What would annoy the most people most often? That is the true left-wing test of government intervention.

When you pay a hospital bill, you're really paying two hospital bills - one bill for you because you have a job and/or insurance and can pay the hospital. and another bill, which is tacked onto your bill, to cover the medical expenses of someone who doesn't have a job and/or insurance and can't pay the hospital.

The purpose of sports - even foreign sports - is not to bore people.

The world is being run by irresponsible spoiled brats.

There is a fine line in the Third World between half a dozen customs officials waiting for you to offer them a bribe and half a dozen customs officials waiting for you to offer them a bribe so they can throw you in jail.

There's something about Marxism that brings out warts; the only kind of growth this economic system encourages.

Very little is known of the Canadian country since it is rarely visited by anyone but the Queen and illiterate sport fishermen.

We journalists don't have to step on roaches. All we have to do is turn on the kitchen light and watch the critters scutter.

What would be a road hazard anywhere else, in the Third World is probably the road.

When you're a war correspondent, the reader is for you because the reader is saying, 'Gee, I wouldn't want to be doing that.' They're on your side.

The first nine Commandments concern theological principles and social law. But then, right at the end, is 'Don't envy your buddy's cow.' How did that make the top ten? What's it doing there? Why would God, with just ten things to tell Moses, choose as one of those things jealousy about the starter mansion with in-ground pool next door? Yet think how important the Tenth Commandment is to a community, to a nation, indeed to a presidential election. If you want a mule, if you want a pot roast, if you want a cleaning lady, don't be a jerk and whine about what the people across the street have ? go get your own. The Tenth Commandment sends a message to all the jerks who want redistribution of wealth, higher taxes, more government programs, more government regulation, more government, less free enterprise, and less freedom. And the message is clear and concise: Go to hell.

The inherent purpose of American government is let people seek their own goals and to encourage them to be responsible on the various adventures they have on their way to those goals, good, bad, and otherwise.

The Nobel Peace Prize has always been a joke - albeit a grim one. Alfred Bernhard Nobel famously invented dynamite and felt sorry about it.

The forces of safety are afoot in the land. I, for one, believe it is a conspiracy- a conspiracy of Safety Nazis shouting "Sieg Health" and seeking to trammel freedom, liberty, and large noisy parties. The Safety Nazis advocate gun control, vigorous exercise, and health foods. The result can only be a disarmed, exhausted, and half-starved population ready to acquiesce to dictatorship of some kind.

The Institute of U.S. and Canadian Studies is supposed to have subscribed to the Village Voice for six years in an attempt to find out about life in America's rural areas.

The number of American presidential candidates varies with the sunspot cycle and the phases of the moon. Being a Republican, I'm backing Hillary Clinton. Because she could lose. The reason is not that she's a woman. The reason is that she's the particular woman who taught the 4th grade class that every man in America wished he were dead in. Hillary Clinton is Lucy holding the football for Charlie Brown. Hillary Clinton is 'America's ex-wife.'

The foundation of collectivism is simple: There should be no important economic differences among people. No one should be too rich.

The Italians have had two thousand years to fix up the Forum and just look at the place.

Author Picture
First Name
P. J.
Last Name
O'Rourke
Birth Date
1947
Bio

American Political Satirist, Journalist, Writer and Author