Paula Hawkins


Rhodesian(now Zimbabwe)-born British Author, best known for her 2015 novel "The Girl on the Train"

Author Quotes

I liked my job, but I didn?t have a glittering career, and even if I had, let?s be honest: women are still only really valued for two things?their looks and their role as mothers. I?m not beautiful, and I can?t have kids, so what does that make me? Worthless.

I want to drag knives over my skin, just so that I can feel something other than shame, but I'm not even brave enough to do that.

I?m playing at real life instead of actually living it.

I'm well aware that there is no job more important than that of raising a child, but the problem is that it isn't valued.

It?s an odd thing to say, but I think this all the time. I don?t feel bad enough. I know what I?m responsible for, I know all the terrible things I?ve done, even if I don?t remember the details?but I feel distanced from those actions. I feel them at one remove.

I've been up for hours; I can't sleep. I hate insomnia more than anything, just lying there, brain going round, tick, tick, tick. I itch all over. I want to shave my head.

My sense is ashamed of the incident proportional to the number of people who witnessed, not only with the nature of the situation

One more day of drinking, perhaps, and then I?ll get myself straight tomorrow.

So who do I want to be tomorrow?

The holes are permanent in life. You grew around these holes, like the roots of a tree growing looking space between the concrete; you have to conform to the space that you leave.

The windows of number fifteen, reflecting morning sunshine, look like sightless eyes.

Tom didn?t feel the way I did. It wasn?t his failure, for starters, and in any case, he didn?t need a child like I did. He wanted to be a dad, he really did?I?m sure he daydreamed about kicking a football around in the garden with his son, or carrying his daughter on his shoulders in the park. But he thought our lives could be great without children, too. We?re happy, he used to say to me. Why can?t we just go on being happy? He became frustrated with me. He never understood that it?s possible to miss what you?ve never had, to mourn for it.

Whenever I became a desire to oblivion whenever you become less able it.

I might never have the courage to say the words out loud, I might lose them altogether, they might stick in my throat and choke me in my sleep.

I want to say something to him, but the words keep evaporating, vanishing off my tongue before I have the chance to say them. I can taste them, but I can't tell if they are sweet or sour.

I?m starting to see what he must have seen in her. What he must have loved.

In Ashbury I am not a homeowner, not even a tenant ? I?m a lodger, occupant of the small second bedroom in Cathy?s bland and inoffensive duplex, subject to her grace and favor.

It?s as if people can see the damage written all over me, can see it in my face, the way I hold myself, the way I move.

Just another wage slave.

Never understood how people can blithely disregard the damage they do by following their hearts. Who was it said that following your heart is a good thing? It is pure egotism, a selfishness to conquer all.

Only I?m not sure that I am doing it just for him, and I don?t really have a plan.

So you climbed over the fence to gain access to your ex-husband?s house? Yes. We used to . . . There was always a spare key at the back. We had a place we hid it, in case one of us lost our keys or forgot them or something. But I wasn?t breaking in?I didn?t. I just wanted to talk to Tom. I thought maybe . . . the bell wasn?t working or something. This was the middle of the day, during the week, wasn?t it? Why did you think your

The holes in your life are permanent. You have to grow around them, like tree roots around a concrete; you mold yourself through gaps.

Then I wait. Times and dates, mostly. Not dates. Days. Monday.

Tom said about Scott and Megan came from Anna, and no one knows better than I do that she can?t be trusted.

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Rhodesian(now Zimbabwe)-born British Author, best known for her 2015 novel "The Girl on the Train"