Paula Hawkins

Paula
Hawkins
1972

Rhodesian(now Zimbabwe)-born British Author, best known for her 2015 novel "The Girl on the Train"

Author Quotes

I might never have the courage to say the words out loud, I might lose them altogether, they might stick in my throat and choke me in my sleep.

I want to say something to him, but the words keep evaporating, vanishing off my tongue before I have the chance to say them. I can taste them, but I can't tell if they are sweet or sour.

I?m starting to see what he must have seen in her. What he must have loved.

In Ashbury I am not a homeowner, not even a tenant ? I?m a lodger, occupant of the small second bedroom in Cathy?s bland and inoffensive duplex, subject to her grace and favor.

It?s as if people can see the damage written all over me, can see it in my face, the way I hold myself, the way I move.

Just another wage slave.

Never understood how people can blithely disregard the damage they do by following their hearts. Who was it said that following your heart is a good thing? It is pure egotism, a selfishness to conquer all.

Only I?m not sure that I am doing it just for him, and I don?t really have a plan.

So you climbed over the fence to gain access to your ex-husband?s house? Yes. We used to . . . There was always a spare key at the back. We had a place we hid it, in case one of us lost our keys or forgot them or something. But I wasn?t breaking in?I didn?t. I just wanted to talk to Tom. I thought maybe . . . the bell wasn?t working or something. This was the middle of the day, during the week, wasn?t it? Why did you think your

The holes in your life are permanent. You have to grow around them, like tree roots around a concrete; you mold yourself through gaps.

Then I wait. Times and dates, mostly. Not dates. Days. Monday.

Tom said about Scott and Megan came from Anna, and no one knows better than I do that she can?t be trusted.

Where is it written that it is always good to heed what the heart dictates you?

I miss being a mistress. I enjoyed it. I loved it, in fact. I never felt guilty. I pretended I did. I had to, with my married girlfriends, the ones who live in terror of the pert au pair or the pretty, funny girl in the office who can talk about football and spends half her life in the gym. I had to tell them that of course I felt terrible about it, of course I felt bad for his wife, I never meant for any of this to happen, we fell in love, what could we do? The truth is, I never felt bad for Rachel... She just wasn?t real to me, and anyway, I was enjoying myself too much. Being the other woman is a huge turn-on, there?s no point denying it: you?re the one he can?t help but betray his wife for, even though he loves her. That?s just how irresistible you are.

I was a drinker anyway?I?ve always liked to drink. But I did become sadder, and sadness gets boring after a while, for the sad person and for everyone around them. And then I went from being a drinker to being a drunk, and there?s nothing more boring than that.

I?m still holding back, because obviously I can?t say everything I?m feeling. I know that?s the point of therapy, but I just can?t. I have to keep things vague,

In no hurry to get back to Ashbury in the evening either. Not just because it?s Ashbury, although the place itself is bad.

It?s been a long time since I?ve had anything worth keeping a clear head for.

Know what it is to love someone and to say the most terrible things to them, in anger or anguish.

No matter how much I love him, it won?t be enough.

Over a long time since one touched me a little tenderness.

So, how do we take responsibility? You can apologize?and even if you cannot remember committing your transgression, that doesn?t mean that your apology, and the sentiment behind your apology, is not sincere. But I want to feel it. I want to feel . . . worse. It?s an odd thing to say, but I think this all the time. I don?t feel bad enough. I know what I?m responsible for, I know all the terrible things I?ve done, even if I don?t remember the details?but I feel distanced from those actions. I feel them at one remove.

The job itself is utterly beneath me, but then I seem to have become beneath me over the past year or two. I need to reset the scale.

There are familiar faces on these trains, people I see every week, going to and fro. I recognize them and they probably recognize me.

Tom?s whole life was constructed on lies?falsehoods and half-truths told to make him look better, stronger, more interesting than he was.

Author Picture
First Name
Paula
Last Name
Hawkins
Birth Date
1972
Bio

Rhodesian(now Zimbabwe)-born British Author, best known for her 2015 novel "The Girl on the Train"