Scott Adams, fully Scott Raymond Adams

Adams, fully Scott Raymond Adams

American Creator of Dilbert Comic Strip and Author

Author Quotes

Why do beards stop at the neck? I spend a lot of time wondering that.

You do whatever you want. Me ? I'm cashing out." "You plan to retire?" "Retire? From what? I don't do anything now except surf the net - why should I pay for that? Besides, I really like the coffee here."

When did ignorance become a point of view?

Why do the worst ideas always have the noblest sounding reasons?

You don?t have to be a ?person of influence? to be influential. In fact, the most influential people in my life are probably not even aware of the things they?ve taught me.

When I first started hearing these stories I was puzzled, but after careful analysis I have developed a sophisticated theory to explain the existence of this bizarre workplace behavior: People are idiots. Including me. Everyone is an idiot, not just the people with the low SAT scores. The only difference is that we're idiots about different things at different times. No matter how smart you are, you spend much of your day being an idiot. I proudly include myself in the idiot category. Idiocy in the modern age isn't an all-encompassing 24-hour situation for most people. It's a condition that everybody slips into many times a day. Life is just too complicated to be smart all the time...

Why is the news the same as the mini-series that was just on? What are the odds of that?

You don't argue with a four-year old about why he shouldn't eat candy for dinner. You don't punch a mentally handicapped guy even if he punches you first. And you don't argue when a women tells you she's only making 80 cents to your dollar. It's the path of least resistance. You save your energy for more important battles.

When I was a kid, my grandmother convinced me that brown eggs were tastier. Now I just wonder what route they took through the hen.

Withholding Information ? As a weasel boss, you want your employees to believe that you have no useful information whatsoever... Communicating with your employees is like being a frightened chunk of marble in a room full of sculptors. They'll try to chip away at everything you say until by process of elimination they figure out the truth.

You don't have to be a "person of influence" to be influential. In fact, the most influential people in my life are probably not even aware of the things they've taught me.

When it comes to skills, quantity often beats quality.

Women are treated differently by society for exactly the same reason that children and the mentally handicapped are treated differently.

You haven?t achieved equality until you?re a legitimate target for humor.

When life gives you lemons... choke on them and die... you stupid lemon eater.

Women believe that men are, in a sense, defective versions of women, Men believe that women are defective versions of men. Both genders are trapped in a delusion that their personal viewpoints are universal. That viewpoint?that each gender is a defective version of the other?is the root of all misunderstandings.

You know the rules: he who complains is assigned to fix it.

When the belief not control your most important decisions is not belief in the underlying reality, but in the utility believes

Women define themselves by their relationships and men define themselves by whom they are helping. Women believe value is created by sacrifice. If you are willing to give up your favorite activities to be with her, she will trust you. If being with her is too easy for you, she will not trust you.

You might think the word "homemade"is just a word we use as a marketing ploy. But what you don't realize is that the staff sleeps here at night. If your tablecloth is wrinkled, that's why.

When times are bad, the gloves come off and employers are less nice. People become disposable.

Work is like the rest of life. The best parts are free.

You need more time. But that's only because you spend so much time with your hair and makeup in the morning." "That's a necessity." "Only in your mind." "You mean I'm beautiful just the way I am?" "No. I mean it's a lost cause."

When virtual reality gets cheaper than dating, society is doomed.

Wow. When you do that with your arms, it creates the illusion that you're thinking.

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Adams, fully Scott Raymond Adams
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American Creator of Dilbert Comic Strip and Author