Scott Adams, fully Scott Raymond Adams

Adams, fully Scott Raymond Adams

American Creator of Dilbert Comic Strip and Author

Author Quotes

The simplest explanation usually sounds right and is far more convincing than any complicated explanation could hope to be.

There is no idea so bad that it cannot be made to look brilliant with the proper application of fonts and color.

The Evolution of Idiots ? I blame sex and paper for most of our current problems. Here's my logic: Only one person in a million is smart enough to invent a printing press. So, when society consisted of only a few hundred apelike people living in caves, the odds of one of them being a genius was fairly low. But people kept having sex, wand with the every moron added to the population, the odds of a deviant smarty-pants slipping through the genetic net got higher and higher. When you've got several million people running around having sex all willy-nilly the odds are fairly good that some pregnant ape-mom is going to squat in a field someday and pinch out a printing-press making deviant. Once we had printing presses, we were pretty much doomed. Because then, every time a new smart deviant came up with a good idea, it would get written down and shared. Every good idea could be built upon. Civilization exploded. Technology was born. The complexity of life increased geometrically. Everything got bigger and better. Except our brains. All the technology that surrounds us, all the management theories, the economic models that predict and guide our behavior, the science that helps us live to 80 ? it's all created by a tiny percentage of deviant smart people. The rest of us are treading water as fast as we can. The world is too complex for us. Evolution didn't keep up. Thanks to the printing press, the deviant smart people managed to capture their genius and communicate it without having to pass it on genetically. Evolution was short-circuited. We got knowledge and technology before we got intelligence. We're a planet of nearly 6 billion ninnies living in a civilization that was designed by a few thousand amazingly smart deviants.

The first time you see something that you have never seen before, you almost always know right away if you should eat it or run away from it.

The government runs the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms, so they must know a thing or two about satisfying women.

The great thing about reading diverse news from the fields of business, health, science, technology, politics, and more is that you automatically see patterns in the world and develop mental hooks upon which you can hang future knowledge.

The greenest home is the one you don't build. If you really want to save the Earth, move in with another family and share a house that's already built. Better yet, live in the forest and eat whatever the squirrels don't want.

The human mind is a delusion generator, not a window to truth.

The idea is just to bring people downtown... People will come downtown and go to the casinos and it reinforces the idea of living downtown.

The Importance of Strategies ? All companies need a strategy so the employees will know what they don't do.

The important patterns for success that I?ve noticed over the years. ... Lack of fear of embarrassment, Education (the right kind), Exercise

The job isn't done until you've blamed someone for the parts that went wrong.

The Joy of Feedback ? Feedback is a business term which refers to the joy of criticizing other people's work. This is one of the few genuine pleasures of the job, and you should milk it for all it's worth.

The longer you work here, diverse it gets.

The main difference between marketing and fraud is that criminals have to pay for their own alcohol.

The maintenance man is moving the thermostat in our office today. I started talking with him about the Thermostat Wars [from Dilbert comics]. He told me about one office with 30 women where they could never get the temperature to an agreeable level. At his suggestion they installed 20 dummy thermostats around the office. Everyone was told that each thermostat controlled the zone around itself.

Suffering Fools ? As you suspected, all of your co-workers are fools. You must learn to pity and tolerate them.

The Answer Depends on the Asker ? Never answer a question unless you know exactly who is asking, why it is being asked, and what will be done with the information.

The difference between Christianity and Islam is that some people think a guy walked on water and other people think a horse can fly.

Suggestions of Threat ? The best kinds of jobs are the ones where you don't need to threaten customers because they're already afraid of you. Good examples of those types of jobs are: (1) Drug kingpins; (2) Police; (3) Banks.

The basic concept of the Dilbert Principle is that the most ineffective workers are systematically moved to the place where they can do the least damage: management.

The elderly are spooky when they degenerate into reflections of their younger selves. They say things that make sense on some grammatical level, but it?s not always connected to reality.

Surround Yourself With Losers ? Make sure you work in a group of losers. Losers are the ones who will get low raises, thus leaving ample budget funds for you... Losers are your friends (figuratively speaking). If you don't have any losers in your group, help your boss recruit some, preferably in areas that don't affect your life. You want losers to be within the same general budget area, but not close enough to annoy you on a daily basis.

The Benefits of Title Inflation ? Inflated job titles in middle management allow those at the bottom of the company hierarchy to avoid truly demeaning titles. Corollary: What you do is not nearly as impressive as what your job titles implies you do.

Swearing ? For men, swearing can help them bond with other men. But this contributes in only a tiny way to business success. Men are expected to swear, so it means little when they do. It had no shock value. For example, if a man comes to the office of another man and offers to show him a report, a typical response might be 'Ah, shove it up your ass and die'. Then both men laugh and spit and make passing references to 'hooters' thus creating a lifelong bond that cannot be broken (unless hooters are involved). It's not pretty, but swearing has its place among men. For women it's very different. Swearing can be shocking and attention-grabbing. It's a sign of female power and disregard for boundaries... Fortunately for women, all men are trained at birth to accept verbal abuse from women and get over it rather quickly.

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American Creator of Dilbert Comic Strip and Author