Tom Lehrer, fully Thomas Andrew Lehrer

Tom
Lehrer, fully Thomas Andrew Lehrer
1928

American Comedic Songwriter-Singer, Satirist, Pianist and Mathematician

Author Quotes

And that is the story of Alma, who knew how to receive and to give. The body that reached her embalma' was one that had known how to live.

Get in line in that processional, step into that small confessional. There the guy who's got religion'll

I wish people who have trouble communicating would just shut up.

It was that of a lady named Alma Mahler Gropius Werfel, who had, in her lifetime, managed to acquire as lovers practically all of the top creative men in central Europe. And, among these lovers, who were listed in the obituary, by the way, which is what made it so interesting, there were three whom she went so far as to marry: One of the leading composers of the day, Gustav Mahler, composer of "Das Lied von der Erde" and other light classics, one of the leading architects, Walter Gropius, of the "Bauhaus" school of design, and one of the leading writers, Franz Werfel, author of the "Song of Bernadette" and other masterpieces. It's people like that who make you realize how little you've accomplished. It is a sobering thought, for example, that when Mozart was my age, he had been dead for two years.

Only be sure always to call it please "research".

Things are much more complicated. Feminism versus pornography, for example. There are a lot of feminists who think it is bad, but others think it's good. I have become, you might call it mature - I would call it senile - and I can see both sides. But you can't write a satirical song with 'but on the other hand' in it, or 'however'. It's got to be one-sided.

And we will all bake together when we bake. There'll be nobody present at the wake. With complete participation in that grand incineration, nearly three billion hunks of well-done steak.

Hark, the Herald Tribune sings, advertising wondrous things.

I would like to state at this time that I am not now and have never been... a member of the Boy Scouts of America. Their motto is, as you know, "Be Prepared!" and that is the name of this song.

It's only for a week so have no fear! Be grateful that it doesn't last all year!

Political satire became obsolete when Henry Kissinger was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize.

Think as you work, for in the final analysis, your worth to your company comes not only in solving problems, but also in anticipating them.

And we will all go together when we go. What a comforting fact that is to know. Universal bereavement, an inspiring achievement, yes, we will all go together when we go.

His rivals used to say quite a bit that as a monarch he was most unfit. But still in all they had to admit that he loved his mother.

I'd like to take you now, on wings of song as it were, and help you forget for a moment, perhaps, your drab, wretched lives.

It's people like that who make you realize how little you've accomplished. It is a sobering thought, for example, that when Mozart was my age, he had been dead for two years.

So be sweet and kind to mother now and then, have a chat! Buy her candy or some flowers or a brand-new hat. But maybe you best let it go at that! Or you may find yourself with a quite complex/

What is it that put America in the forefront of the nuclear nations? And what is it that will make it possible to spend twenty billion dollars of your money to put some clown on the moon? Well, it was good old American know how, that's what, as provided by good old Americans like Dr.Wernher von Braun!

Andrew Wiles gently smiles, does his thing, and voila! Q.E.D., we agree, and we all shout hurrah! As he confirms what Fermat jotted down in that margin, which could've used some enlargin'.

I ache for the touch of your lips, dear, but much more for the touch of your whips, dear. You can raise welts like nobody else, As we dance to the Masochism Tango.

If a person feels he can't communicate, the least he can do is shut up about it.

Last December 13th, there appeared in the newspapers the juiciest, spiciest, raciest obituary it has ever been my pleasure to read.

So get down upon your knees, fiddle with your rosaries, bow your head with great respect, and genuflect, genuflect, genuflect!

When correctly viewed, everything is lewd.

Any ideas expressed on this record should not be taken as representing Mr. Lehrer's true convictions, for indeed he has none. "If anyone objects to any statement I make," he has said, "I am quite prepared not only to retract it, but also to deny under oath that I ever made it." [liner notes]

Author Picture
First Name
Tom
Last Name
Lehrer, fully Thomas Andrew Lehrer
Birth Date
1928
Bio

American Comedic Songwriter-Singer, Satirist, Pianist and Mathematician