Tom Lehrer, fully Thomas Andrew Lehrer

Tom
Lehrer, fully Thomas Andrew Lehrer
1928

American Comedic Songwriter-Singer, Satirist, Pianist and Mathematician

Author Quotes

All books can be indecent books, though recent books are bolder. For filth, I'm glad to say, is in the mind of the beholder. When correctly viewed, everything is lewd. I could tell you things about Peter Pan, and the Wizard of OZ, there's a dirty old man!

Don't say that he's hypocritical, say rather that he's apolitical. "Once the rockets are up, who cares where they come down? That's not my department," says Wernher von Braun.

I find enough mystery in mathematics to satisfy my spiritual needs. I think, for example, that pi is mysterious enough (don't get me started!) without having to worry about God. Or if pi isn't enough, how about fractals? or quantum mechanics?

In my youth there were words you couldn't say in front of a girl; now you can't say 'girl.'

On my income tax 1040 it says "Check this box if you are blind." I wanted to put a check mark about three inches away.

The loveliest girl in Vienna was Alma, the smartest as well. Once you picked her up on your antenna,

All the world seems in tune on a spring afternoon, when we're poisoning pigeons in the park. Every Sunday you'll see my sweetheart and me, as we poison the pigeons in the park.

Don't solicit for your sister, that's not nice, unless you get a good percentage of her price.

I find that if you take the various popular song forms to their logical extremes, you can arrive at almost anything from the ridiculous to the obscene or, as they say in New York, sophisticated.

In the new approach, as you know, the important thing is to understand what you are doing rather than to get the right answer

Once all the Germans were warlike and mean But that couldn't happen again We taught them a lesson in nineteen eighteen And they've hardly bothered us since then

The real issues I don't think most people touch. The Clinton jokes are all about Monica Lewinsky and all that stuff and not about the important things, like the fact that he wouldn't ban landmines.

An actress must never lose her ego - without it she has no talent.

During National Brotherhood Week various special events are arranged to drive home the message of brotherhood — this year, for example, on the first day of the week, Malcolm X was killed, which gives you an idea of how effective the whole thing is. I'm sure we all agree that we ought to love one another, and I know there are people in the world who do not love their fellow human beings — and I hate people like that!

I hold your hand in mine, dear, I press it to my lips. I take a healthy bite from your dainty fingertips. My joy would be complete, dear, if you were only here, but still I keep your hand as a precious souvenir.

It is a sobering thought that when Mozart was my age, he had been dead for two years.

One of the many fine things one has to admire is the way the Army has carried the American democratic ideal to its logical conclusion, in the sense that not only do they prohibit discrimination on the grounds of race, creed, and color, but also on the grounds of ability.

The usual jokes about the Army aside, one of the many fine things one has to admit is the way that the Army has carried the American democratic ideal to its logical conclusion, in the sense that not only do they prohibit discrimination on the grounds of race, creed and color, but also on the grounds of ability.

And swear that you're mine, as we dance to the Masochism Tango.

For there is surely nothing more beautiful in this world than the sight of a lone man facing single-handedly a half a ton of angry pot roast!

I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man, and I hate people like that!

It is sobering to consider that when Mozart was my age he had already been dead for a year.

One of the problems I see with these comics on television, particularly cable television, is, since you can say anything in terms of sex and scatological references and so on, therefore, you should do it. So they all limit themselves to these subjects and this vocabulary. My objection is that it is a lack of articulateness ... Irreverence is easy, but what is hard is wit. Wit is what these comedians lack.

There once lived a man named Oedipus Rex, you may have heard about his odd complex. His name appears in Freud's index 'cause he loved his mother.

And that is the story of Alma, who knew how to receive and to give. The body that reached her embalma' was one that had known how to live.

Author Picture
First Name
Tom
Last Name
Lehrer, fully Thomas Andrew Lehrer
Birth Date
1928
Bio

American Comedic Songwriter-Singer, Satirist, Pianist and Mathematician