W. C. Fields, stage name for William Claude Dukenfield

W. C.
Fields, stage name for William Claude Dukenfield

American Comedic Actor, Juggler and Writer

Author Quotes

Of course, now I touch nothing stronger than buttermilk: 90-proof buttermilk.

She's all dressed up like a well-kept grave.

The income tax was devised to give lawyers and certified public accountants business. Few persons can make head, tail, or middle out of it. Einstein admitted he couldn't.

They are the igloos of the theatrical world. Even the managers in those communities never know whether to give their patrons Sarah Bernhardt or trained seals.

What contemptible scoundrel stole the cork from my lunch?

You can fool some of the people some of the time -- and that's enough to make a decent living.

All women are crazy, it’s only a question of degree.

Don’t say you can’t swear off drinking; it’s easy. I’ve done it a thousand times.

Have you any last requests before you're hanged? Yes, I'd like to see Paris before I die.

I can do anything I want to do!

I like children - fried.

I think of the church often. Not because religion was closing in on me, but because for a long time my ass was sore from that hard, unupholstered pew.

If you don't like the news, buy a gun and go out and make your own.

It's headed for the brambles and we are all in our bare feet.

Marry an outdoors woman. That way, if you have to throw her out into the yard for the night, she can still survive.

Of one detested doctor, Fields said he was a servant of humanity...who had done really brilliant work in isolating fees.

Show me a great actor and I'll show you a lousy husband. Show me a great actress, and you've seen the devil.

The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.

They never got me for the right offense.

What rascal has been putting pineapple juice in my pineapple juice?

Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a small snake.

Don’t worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.

He secured a position on an ice wagon where his collateral was soon frozen.

I certainly do not drink all the time. I have to sleep you know

I like children. If they're properly cooked.

Author Picture
First Name
W. C.
Last Name
Fields, stage name for William Claude Dukenfield
Birth Date
Death Date

American Comedic Actor, Juggler and Writer