W. C. Fields, stage name for William Claude Dukenfield

W. C.
Fields, stage name for William Claude Dukenfield

American Comedic Actor, Juggler and Writer

Author Quotes

I was almost put out of business by a well-meaning corpse.

I'll be sober tomorrow, but you'll be crazy for the rest of your life.

It's morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money.

Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive.

On trekking abroad: I lost my corkscrew and we were forced to live on nothing but food and water for days.

Sleep - the most beautiful experience in life - except drink.

The low-ceiling price bazaar for sexual relief was a street called Middie Alley. You could barely get a pushcart through this avenue. Top price--twenty-five cents.

Thou shalt not covet they neighbor's wife unless she's a beauty.

When asked to borrow money: "I'll see what my lawyer says. . . . And if he says yes, I'll get another lawyer."

Any man who hates dogs and loves whiskey can't be all bad.

Drown in a cold vat of whiskey? Death, where is thy sting?

He wanted this on his tombstone

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

I like my films to influence the audience. Even if it means tripping their aged grandparents with a cane when they get home.

I was in love with a beautiful blonde once, Dear. She drove me to drink. That's the one thing I am indebted to her for.

I'm free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.

It's what you do that counts and not what you say; therefore I fired my press agent.

More people are driven insane through religious hysteria than by drinking alcohol.

Once during Prohibition I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.

Some contemptible scoundrel stole the cork from my lunch.

The movie people would have nothing to do with me until they heard me speak in a Broadway play, then they all wanted to sign me for the silent movies.

Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s house unless they have a well-stocked bar.

When doctors and undertakers meet, they wink at each other.

Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what people do or say. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill.

During one of my treks through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. We were compelled to live on food and water for several days.

Author Picture
First Name
W. C.
Last Name
Fields, stage name for William Claude Dukenfield
Birth Date
Death Date

American Comedic Actor, Juggler and Writer