W. C. Fields, stage name for William Claude Dukenfield

W. C.
Fields, stage name for William Claude Dukenfield
1880
1946

American Comedic Actor, Juggler and Writer

Author Quotes

My illness is due to my doctor’s insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies.

Remember, a dead fish can float downstream, but it takes a live one to swim upstream.

Speakin' of the city, it ain't no place for women, gal, but perty men go thar.

The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive.

To me, these biblical stories are just so many fish stories, and I'm not specifically referring to Jonah and the whale. I need indisputable proof of anything I'm asked to believe.

Whilst traveling through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. Had to live on food and water for several days.

A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for.

By god, I was born lonely!

Few things in life are more embarrassing than the necessity of having to inform an old friend that you have just got engaged to his fiancée.

How is the human race going to survive now that the cost of living has gone up two dollars a quart?

I don't believe in dining on an empty stomach.

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.

I’ve never struck a woman in my life, not even my own mother.

It ain't a fit night out for man nor beast.

Lady Godiva put everything she had on a horse.

Never cry over spilt milk, because it may have been poisoned.

Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water.

Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.

There are only two real ways to get ahead today - sell liquor or drink it.

To the question: Do married people live longer?--Fields responded: No, it just seems longer.

Whilst traveling through the Andes Mountains, we lost our corkscrew. Had to live on food and water for several days!

A woman drove me to drink and I didn’t even have the decency to thank her.

California is the only state in the union where you can fall asleep under a rose bush in full bloom and freeze to death.

Fields' epitaph: All things considered, I'd rather be in Philadelphia.

How well I remember my first encounter with The Devil’s Brew. I happened to stumble across a case of bourbon - and went right on stumbling for several days thereafter.

Author Picture
First Name
W. C.
Last Name
Fields, stage name for William Claude Dukenfield
Birth Date
1880
Death Date
1946
Bio

American Comedic Actor, Juggler and Writer