W. C. Fields, stage name for William Claude Dukenfield

W. C.
Fields, stage name for William Claude Dukenfield

American Comedic Actor, Juggler and Writer

Author Quotes

I don't have to attend every argument I'm invited to.

I never drink water; that's the stuff that rusts pipes.

I'd rather have two girls at 21 each than one girl at 42.

It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.

Lady: Are you really a man? WC: Well, I've been called other things.

Never give a sucker an even break.

Room service - don’t send up any more ice.

Sucker: Is this a game of chance? WC: Not the way I play it, no.

There are seven natural openings in the head and body. A lawyer is the only human being with eight. The extra one is a slot to store money in, should his bank be unable to hold all of it.

W. C. Fields, a lifetime agnostic, was discovered reading a Bible on his deathbed. “I’m looking for a loop-hole,” he explained.

Who took the cork out of my lunch?

Abstaining is favorable both to the head and the pocket.

Charlie McCarthy: "Say, Mr. Fields, I read in the paper where you consumed two quarts of liquor a day. What would your father think about that?" WC: "He'd think I was a sissy."

Fields gave this rationale for not drinking water: Fish f*ck in it.

I ad lib most of my dialogue. If I did remember my lines, it would be too bad for me.

I drink therefore I am.

I never hold a grudge. As soon as I get even with the son-of-a bitch, I forget it.

I'd take a Bromo, but I can't stand the noise.

It is funnier to bend things than to break them.

Last week, I went to Philadelphia, but it was closed.

Never mind what I told you - you do as I tell you.

Roomservice, Roomservice, don't send up any more ice.

Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together!

There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.

W.C. Fields: Yes it is, very hard. It's almost impossible.

Author Picture
First Name
W. C.
Last Name
Fields, stage name for William Claude Dukenfield
Birth Date
Death Date

American Comedic Actor, Juggler and Writer