W. C. Fields, stage name for William Claude Dukenfield

W. C.
Fields, stage name for William Claude Dukenfield

American Comedic Actor, Juggler and Writer

Author Quotes

I have some very definite pear-shaped ideas that I'd like to discuss with thee.

I now touch nothing stronger than buttermilk: 90-proof buttermilk.

If I had to live my life over, I’d live over a saloon.

It's a funny old world - a man's lucky if he gets out of it alive.

Man: "I have no sympathy for a man who is intoxicated all the time." WC: "A man who's intoxicated all the time doesn't need sympathy."

No one likes the fellow who is all rogue, but we'll forgive him almost anything if there is warmth of human sympathy underneath his rogueries. The immortal types of comedy are just such men.

Set up another case bartender! The best thing for a case of nerves is a case of Scotch.

The cost of living has gone up another dollar a quart.

There's no such thing as a tough child - if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.

We frequently hear of people dying from too much drinking. That this happens is a matter of record. But the blame almost always is placed on whisky. Why this should be I never could understand. You can die from drinking too much of anything - coffee, water, milk, soft drinks and all such stuff as that. And so long as the presence of death lurks with anyone who goes through the simple act of swallowing, I will make mine whisky.

Yes, I did take money from the kiddy's piggy banks, but I always left an IOU.

[Charles Dickens was] the bravest man who ever lived. He fathered ten children before they became tax deductions.

A comic should suffer as much over a single line as a man with a hernia would in picking up a heavy barbell.

A dead fish can float downstream, but it takes a live one to swim upstream.

A man who overindulges lives in a dream. He becomes conceited. He thinks the whole world revolves around him; and it usually does.

A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain.

A man’s got to believe in something. I believe I’ll have another drink.

I never saw anything funny that wasn’t terrible. If it causes pain, it’s funny; if it doesn’t, it isn’t. I try to hide the pain with embarrassment, and the more I do that, the better they like it. But that does not mean they are unsympathetic. Oh no, they laugh often with tears in their eyes.

Author Picture
First Name
W. C.
Last Name
Fields, stage name for William Claude Dukenfield
Birth Date
Death Date

American Comedic Actor, Juggler and Writer