W. C. Fields, stage name for William Claude Dukenfield

W. C.
Fields, stage name for William Claude Dukenfield

American Comedic Actor, Juggler and Writer

Author Quotes

I could only teach him how to juggle his books.

I must have a drink of breakfast.

I’d rather have two girls at 21 each than one girl at 42.

In reply to an accusation of drunkenness

I've never hit a woman in my life. Not even my own mother.

My heart is a bargain today. Will you take it?

Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.

Somebody's been putting pineapple juice in my pineapple juice!

The work I'm doing on the screen differs from that of anyone else. My comedy is of a peculiar nature...no writers have been developed along the lines of my type of comedy and this is why I sometimes have differences with writers, supervisors and directors alike.

Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain unless you've used up all the other four-letter words.

When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.

[Charles Dickens was] the bravest man who ever lived. He fathered ten children before they became tax deductions.

A comic should suffer as much over a single line as a man with a hernia would in picking up a heavy barbell.

A dead fish can float downstream, but it takes a live one to swim upstream.

A man who overindulges lives in a dream. He becomes conceited. He thinks the whole world revolves around him; and it usually does.

A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain.

A man’s got to believe in something. I believe I’ll have another drink.

I never saw anything funny that wasn’t terrible. If it causes pain, it’s funny; if it doesn’t, it isn’t. I try to hide the pain with embarrassment, and the more I do that, the better they like it. But that does not mean they are unsympathetic. Oh no, they laugh often with tears in their eyes.

Author Picture
First Name
W. C.
Last Name
Fields, stage name for William Claude Dukenfield
Birth Date
Death Date

American Comedic Actor, Juggler and Writer