Will Rogers, fully William Penn Adair "Will" Rogers

Rogers, fully William Penn Adair "Will" Rogers

American Cowboy, Actor, Humorist, Social Commentator and Vaudeville Performer

Author Quotes

The United States investigates everything-usually after it's dead.

There are two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither works.

There is not a voter in America that twenty-four hours after any speech was made could remember two sentences in it.

There is two types of larceny, Petty and Grand. They are supposed to be the same in the eyes of the law, but judges always put a little extra on you for Petty, which is kind of a fine for stupidness.

There's the one thing no nation can ever accuse us of and that is secret diplomacy. Our foreign are an open book, generally a check book.

This country has gotten where it is in spite of politics, not by the aid of it. That we have carried as much political bunk as we have and still survived shows we are a super nation.

Two things that tickle the fancy of our citizens, one is let them act on a committee, and the other is to promise to let him walk in a parade. What America needs is more mileage out of our parades.

We can make this thing into a Party, instead of a Memory.

We have killed more people celebrating our independence than we lost fighting for it. We would celebrate the ending of each of our wars but we haven’t got enough people to go around.

Well now let's take up the issues one by one. In the first place if there had been no truth at all in the statement I made there would never have been any yell about it. Now as to it being the dominant question, Mr. Rogers didn’t say that it was the dominant question, he said that it should be the dominant question. In other words the lawyers would give their eye to have the thing cleaned up, and they will admit that it would be of more benefit to their profession to have the crooks driven out than to have done any other thing.

When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.

The one that's out always looks the best.

The Republicans always looked bad three years out of four. But the year they look good is election year. A voter don't expect much. If you give him one good year he is satisfied.

The United States never lost a war or won a conference.

There has been war since the beginning of time and we are no smarter than the people that have gone before us. There is apt to be some more war.

There is nothing as easy as denouncing. It don’t take much to see that something is wrong but it does take some eyesight to see what will put it right again.

There is very little dignity, very little sportsmanship, or very little anything in politics only get the job and hold it.

There's two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither one works.

This country is bigger than Wall Street. If they don’t believe it, show ’em the map.

Villains are getting as thick as college degrees and sometimes on the same fellow.

We can't all be heroes because somebody has to sit on the curb and clap as they go by.

We have some great ideas, but most of 'em come too late to do us any good.

Well the lawyers of the. American Bar Association convention are leaving us. Think they had a good time. Like all conventions, they didn't do a thing. No convention ever did anything. If this country ever becomes civilized the first thing eliminated would be people gadding around to get to a convention. And the humorous thing about `em is they always wait and hold `em in the hottest weather. Convention slogans should be, Let's meet and perspire together.

When I die, my epitaph or whatever you call those signs on gravestones is going to read: "I joked about every prominent man of my time, but I never met a man I didn't like." I am so proud of that I can hardly wait to die so it can be carved. And when you come to my grave you will find me sitting there, proudly reading it.

The one way to detect a feeble-minded man is get one arguing on economics.

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Rogers, fully William Penn Adair "Will" Rogers
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American Cowboy, Actor, Humorist, Social Commentator and Vaudeville Performer