Mark Twain, pen name of Samuel Langhorne Clemens

Mark
Twain, pen name of Samuel Langhorne Clemens
1835
1910

American Writer, Humorist

Author Quotes

Good judgment comes from experience. And where does experience come from? Experience comes from bad judgment.

If books are not good company, where shall I find it?

If Christ were here there is one thing he would not be -- a Christian.

If everyone was satisfied with himself, there would be no heroes.

If a cat sits on a hot stove, that cat won't sit on a hot stove again. That cat won't sit on a cold stove either. That cat just don't like stoves.

If a person offends you, and you are in doubt as to whether it was intentional or not, do not resort to extreme measures; simply watch your chance, and hit him with a brick.

If all men knew what each said of the other, there would not be four friends in the world.

If all the fools in this world should die, lordly God how lonely I should be.

If animals could speak the dog would be a a blundering outspoken fellow, but the cat would have the rare grace of never saying a word too much.

I have seen slower people than I am and more deliberate... and even quieter, and more listless, and lazier people than I am. But they were dead.

I must have a prodigious amount of mind; it takes me as much as a week, sometimes, to make it up!

I said there was but one solitary thing about the past worth remembering and that was the fact that it is past - and can't be restored.

I was afraid of a united Church; it makes a mighty power, the mightiest conceivable, and then when it by and by gets into selfish hands, as it is always bound to do, it means death to human liberty and paralysis to human thought.

I wish to become rich, so that I can instruct the people and glorify honest poverty a little, like those kind-hearted, fat, benevolent people do.

I have spent most of my life worrying about things that have never happened

I never could tell a lie that anybody would doubt, nor a truth that anybody would believe.

I said there was nothing so convincing to an Indian as a general massacre. If he could not approve of the massacre, I said the next surest thing for an Indian was soap and education. Soap and education are not as sudden as a massacre, but they are more deadly in the long run; because a half-massacred Indian may recover, but if you educate him and wash him, it is bound to finish him some time or other.

I was a-trembling, because I'd got to decide, forever, betwixt two things, and I knowed it. I studied a minute, sort of holding my breath, and then says to myself, All right, then, I'll GO to hell.

I wish to come down eighteen hundred years later and refer to a remark made by one of the Latin historians. Some Christians were persecuted in Rome through error, they being 'mistaken for Jews.' The meaning seems plain. These pagans had nothing against Christians, but they were quite ready to persecute Jews. For some reason or other they hated a Jew before they even knew what a Christian was. May I not assume, then, that the persecution of Jews is a thing which antedates Christianity and was not born of Christianity?

I have stopped smoking now and then, for a few months at a time, but it was not on principle, it was only to show off; it was to pulverize those critics who said I was a slave to my habits and couldn''t break my bonds

I never felt so fervently thankful, so soothed, so tranquil, so filled with a blessed peace, as I did yesterday when I learned that Michael Angelo was dead.

I saw a startling sight today, a politician with his hands in his own pockets.

I was born intelligent, education ruined me.

I wonder how much it would take to buy a soap bubble, if there were only one in the world.

I have too much respect for the truth to drag it out on every trifling occasion.

Author Picture
First Name
Mark
Last Name
Twain, pen name of Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Birth Date
1835
Death Date
1910
Bio

American Writer, Humorist