Call me a “rube” and a “hick,” but I’d lot rather be the man who bought the Brooklyn Bridge than the man who sold it.

Get this: We have always appreciated Mr. Rogers but because of his droll ill-advised remarks we find our enthusiasm beginning to jell. In other words, I was funny when the joke was on the other fellow, but any about me is ill-advised, and don't jell at all.

I wonder if it isn't just cowardice instead of generosity that makes us give tips.

If nobody wants to disarm with us, we will show ’em we are right. We will shame ’em into it—if we have to sink our last life preserver to do it.

It takes a lifetime to build a good reputation, but you can lose it in a minute.

My sympathy is naturally with the little fellow that has struggled along all these years and give the best he could for the money. He must have given pretty good value, for none of them got rich, so that showed he didn't cheat anybody.

Now these fellows in Washington wouldn't be so serious and particular if they only had to vote on what they thought was good for the majority of the people in the U.S. That would be a cinch. But what makes it hard for them is every time a bill comes up they have things to decide that have nothing to do with the merit of the bill. The principal thing is of course: What will this do for me personally back home?

The nation is prosperous on the whole, but how much prosperity is there in a hole?

The only way to solve the traffic problems of the country is to pass a law that only paid-for cars are allowed to use the highways. That would make traffic so scarce, we could use our boulevards for children's playgrounds.

The person with the best job in the country is the vice president. All he has to do is get up every morning and say, How is the president?

Well the lawyers of the. American Bar Association convention are leaving us. Think they had a good time. Like all conventions, they didn't do a thing. No convention ever did anything. If this country ever becomes civilized the first thing eliminated would be people gadding around to get to a convention. And the humorous thing about `em is they always wait and hold `em in the hottest weather. Convention slogans should be, Let's meet and perspire together.

Well, all I know is just what I read in the papers or what I run into prowling around. A couple of weeks ago out here in the City of Angels we had quite a distinguished gathering. They called themselves the American Bar Association, and they was quite an array. I went down one night just as the thing was getting started and did some rough and tumbled blathering for 'em. What I mean is I made a speech.

Youth fades; love droops; the leaves of friendship fall; a mother's secret hope outlives them all!

The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.

I have sought happiness through many ages and not found it.

When the shriveled skin of the ordinary is stuffed out with meaning, it satisfies the senses amazingly.

Yet, it is true, poetry is delicious; the best prose is that which is most full of poetry.

We need to become energy independent or at least aspire to that.

One source of frustration in the workplace is the frequent mismatch between what people must do and what
people can do. When what they must do exceeds their capabilities, the result is anxiety. When what they must do falls short of their capabilities,
the result is boredom. But when the
match is just right, the results can be glorious. This is the essence of flow.

Slugs crawl and crawl over our cabbages, like the world's slander over a good name. You may kill them, it is true; but there is the slime.