Frank Gelett Burgess

Frank Gelett
Burgess
1866
1951

American Author, Artist, Art Critic, Poet and Humorist

Author Quotes

Maxims are like lawyers who must need to see but one side of the case.

Most women have all other women as adversaries; most men have all other men as their allies

No woman answereth an important question in less than eleven score words.

Our bodies are apt to be our autobiographies.

Thinking a smile all the time will keep your face youthful.

Verily, men do foolish things thoughtlessly, knowing not why; but no woman doeth aught without a reason.

A good woman would rather be the mother of a genius than the wife of a hero.

Ah, yes! I wrote the 'Purple Cow,' I'm sorry, now, I wrote it! But I can tell you anyhow, I'll kill you if you quote it!

As the cat lapses into savagery by night, and barbarously explores the dark, so primal and titanic is a woman with the love madness.

Count no woman wise, until thou hast received a letter from her hand; but love none thou hast not seen face to face, for she who is not foolish on paper is worth knowing.

Her heart is older than her head; yea, her emotion is the mother of her reason.

I never saw a Purple Cow; I never hope to See One; But I can Tell you, Anyhow, I'd rather See than Be One.

Imagination is like a lofty building reared to meet the sky - fancy is a balloon that soars at the wind's will

I never saw a purple cow, I never hope to see one; but i can tell you, anyhow, I'd rather see than be one!

I'd Rather Have Habits Than Clothes,
For that's where my intellect shows.
And as for my hair,
Do you think I should care
To comb it at night with my toes?

I'd rather have ears than a nose,
I'd rather have fingers than toes,
But as for my hair:
I'm glad it's all there;
I'll be awfully sad when it goes.

I wish that my Room had a Floor;
I don't so much care for a Door,
But this walking around
Without touching the ground
Is getting to be quite a bore!

Abstrosophy -

If echoes from the fitful past
Could rise to mental view,
Would all their fancied radiance last
Or would some odors from the blast,
Untouched by Time, accrue?

Is present pain a future bliss,
Or is it something worse?
For instance, take a case like this:
Is fancied kick a real kiss,
Or rather the reverse?

Is plenitude of passion palled
By poverty of scorn?
Does Fiction mend where Fact has mauled?
Has Death its wisest victims called
When idiots are born?

I'm Sure every Word that you say is Absurd;
I Say it's All Gummidge and Twaddle;
You may Argue away till the 19th of May,
But I don't like the Sound of the Moddle!

Love is only chatter, friends are all that matter.

If in the last few years you hadn't discarded a major opinion or acquired a new one, check your pulse. You may be dead.

If you wish to be positive, which means youthful, never speak of the past any more than you can help.

There is work that is work and there is play that is play; there is play tht is work and work that is play. And in only one of these lies happiness.

To appreciate nonsense requires a serious interest in life.

Author Picture
First Name
Frank Gelett
Last Name
Burgess
Birth Date
1866
Death Date
1951
Bio

American Author, Artist, Art Critic, Poet and Humorist