Great Throughts Treasury

"Your best work involves timing. If someone wrote the best hip hop song of all time in the Middle Ages, he had bad timing."

"You will not see politics in 'Dilbert,' because it runs in about 57 countries, and I have to tell you that the Lithuanians are not watching the Gore/Bush saga too closely."

"You might think the word "homemade"is just a word we use as a marketing ploy. But what you don't realize is that the staff sleeps here at night. If your tablecloth is wrinkled, that's why."

"You need more time. But that's only because you spend so much time with your hair and makeup in the morning." "That's a necessity." "Only in your mind." "You mean I'm beautiful just the way I am?" "No. I mean it's a lost cause.""

"Your brain can only process a tiny portion of your environment, it risks being overwhelmed by the volume of information that bombards you every waking moment. Your brain compensates by filtering out the 99.9 percent of your environment that doesn?t matter to you."

"You seem like a bright fellow. Have you considered joining MENSA?" "Is that the group with genius IQs?" "Precisely correct. I'm president of the local chapter. "If we're so smart, why do we work here?" "Intelligence has much less practical application that you'd think.""

"Your Business clothes are naturally attracted to staining liquids. This attraction is strongest just before an important meeting."

"Your simpleminded relatives were technically correct when they told you "Two wrongs don't make a right". What they failed to mention is that two wrongs can sometimes cancel each other out, and although it's not as good as a "right" it's much better than one wrong. If you're clever, you can neutralize any blunder through a series of offsetting destructive acts."

"You're thinking I'm one of those wise-ass California vegetarians who is going to tell you that eating a few strips of bacon is bad for your health. I'm not. I say it?s a free country and you should be able to kill yourself at any rate you choose, as long as your cold dead body is not blocking my driveway."

"You've got to work 18 hours a day to compete in this industry!" "Let's just say we *work18 hours a day. Maybe our competitors will die trying to match us." "Would that work?" "It almost worked on us.""

"Zuckerberg, Gates and Buffett are geniuses at appearing to not enjoy all the freedom their wealth could deliver. They know that controlling envy is essential to their survival."

"Your shower is ready - I turned it on last night."

"Your competitor was here an hour ago... He promised me a massage from Helga if I buy his company. What's your offer?" "I'll give you my house for Helga." "You're new at this.""

"Your inability to see other possibilities and your lack of vocabulary are your brain's limits, not the universe's."