Great Throughts Treasury

"He's taken a shower, washed me off his skin. He looks better for it, but he won't look me in the eye when he asks if I'd like a coffee. This isn't what I wanted: none of this is right. I don't want to do this. I don't want to lose control again."

"How shameful to be a subject of pity."

"How much better life must have been for jealous drunks before emails and texts and mobile phones, before all this electronica and the traces it leaves."

"Hollowness: that I understand. I?m starting to believe that there isn?t anything you can do to fix it. That?s what I?ve taken from the therapy sessions: the holes in your life are permanent. You have to grow around them, like tree roots around concrete; you mold yourself through the gaps."

"I am no longer just a girl on the train, going back and forth without point or purpose."

"I am not a model wife. I can?t be. No matter how much I love him, it won?t be enough."

"I am interested, for the first time in ages, in something other than my own misery. I have purpose. Or at least, I have a distraction."

"I am not the girl I used to be. I am no longer desirable, I?m off-putting in some way. It?s not just that I?ve put on weight, or that my face is puffy from the drinking and the lack of sleep; it?s as if people can see the damage written all over me, they can see it in my face, the way I hold myself, the way I move."

"I can?t bear to look at it. Well I can, I do, I want to, I don?t want to, I try not to. Every day I tell myself not to look, and every day I look. I can?t help myself, even though there is nothing I want to see there, even though anything I do see will hurt me."

"I can imagine the feel of his hands, the weight of them, reassuring and protective. Sometimes I catch myself trying to remember the last time I had meaningful physical contact with another person, just a hug or a heartfelt squeeze of my hand, and my heart twitches."

"I can see her now, in the spare room upstairs, music blaring, window open, a brush in her hand, an enormous canvas leaning against the wall. She?ll be there until midnight; Jason knows not to bother her when she?s working."

"I can?t do this, I can?t just be a wife. I don?t understand how anyone does it?there is literally nothing to do but wait. Wait for a man to come home and love you. Either that or look around for something to distract you."

"I can?t blame all this for my drinking?I can?t blame my parents or my childhood, an abusive uncle or some terrible tragedy. It?s my fault. I was a drinker anyway?I?ve always liked to drink. But I did become sadder, and sadness gets boring after a while, for the sad person and for everyone around them. And then I went from being a drinker to being a drunk, and there?s nothing more boring than that. I?m better now, about the children thing; I?ve got better since I?ve been on my own. I?ve had to. I?ve read books and articles, I?ve realized that I must come to terms with it. There are strategies, there is hope. If I straightened myself out and sobered up, there?s a possibility that I could adopt. And I?m not thirty-four yet?it isn?t over. I am better than I was a few years ago, when I used to abandon my trolley and leave the supermarket if the place was packed with mums and kids; I wouldn?t have been able to come to a park like this, to sit near the playground and watch chubby toddlers rolling down the slide. There were times, at my lowest, when the hunger was at its worst, when I thought I was going to lose my mind."

"I can?t sleep. I haven?t slept in days. I hate this, hate insomnia more than anything, just lying there, brain going round, tick, tick, tick, tick. I itch all over. I want to shave my head."

"I can?t reply because my mind has gone somewhere else entirely."

"I can?t speak, can?t move. The living room is hot, airless despite the open windows. I can hear noises from the street below: a police siren, young girls shouting and laughing, bass booming from a passing car. Normal life. But in here, the world is ending. For Scott, the world is ending, and I can?t speak. I stand there, mute, helpless, useless."

"I can?t help the way I am. You can help what you do, though."

"I cannot find myself comfortable because I rush in a dead end, whatever tended."

"I cannot do this. I cannot be just a wife. I do not understand how anyone can do this - not something women never do ... but wait. Waiting for the man to return home even loves you. Either that ... or can to look around in search of something that holds your interest."

"I close my eyes and let the darkness grow and spread until it morphs from a feeling of sadness into something worse: a memory, a flashback. I didn?t just ask him to call me back. I remember now, I was crying. I told him that I still loved him, that I always would. Please, Tom, please, I need to talk to you. I miss you. No no no no no no no."

"I can't blame this all for my drinking -- I can't blame my parents or my childhood, and abusive uncle or some terrible tragedy. It's my fault. I was a drinker anyway -- I've always liked to drink. But I did become sadder, and sadness gets boring after a while, for the sad person and for everyone around them. And then I went from being a drinker to being a drunk, and there's nothing more boring than that."

"I did become sadder, and sadness gets boring after a while, for the sad person and for everyone around them."

"I could tell myself that it?s not really a rejection. I could try to persuade myself that he?s just trying to do the right thing, morally and professionally. But I know that isn?t true. Or at least, it?s not the whole truth, because if you want someone badly enough, morals (and certainly professionalism) don?t come into it. You?ll do anything to have them. He just doesn?t want me badly enough."

"I didn?t want to draw attention to her resting place, but I couldn?t leave her without remembrance."

"I do not envy your happiness. I just wish it was me that happiness."

"I do not never understand how people can be overlooked for carelessly causing harm done when they follow their hearts, who said that to follow the heart is a good thing? It is a purely selfish, selfish carry one to conquer everyone."

"I don?t believe in soul mates, but there?s an understanding between us that I just haven?t felt before, or at least, not for a long time. It comes from shared experience, from knowing how it feels to be broken."

"I do not have but I leave myself feel this pain, because if I did not do it... if I stayed numbing the pain will not go away from me... never"

"I don?t have a husband. And she betrayed hers. I think of the things her real friends said about her: wonderful, funny, beautiful, warmhearted. Loved. She made a mistake. It happens. We are none of us perfect."

"I don?t have words to describe what I felt that day, but now, sitting on the train, I am furious, nails digging into my palms, tears stinging my eyes. I feel a flash of intense anger. I feel as though something has been taken away from me."

"I don?t know where that strength went, I don?t remember losing it. I think that over time it got chipped away, bit by bit, by life, by the living of it. The"

"I don?t remember losing it. I think that over time it got chipped away, bit by bit, by life, by the living of it."

"I drove to the gym in Northcote for my spin class this morning, then dropped into the Matches store on the way back and treated myself to a very cute Max Mara mini-dress (Tom will forgive me once he sees me in it). I was having a perfectly lovely morning, but as I parked the car there was some sort of commotion outside the Hipwells? place?there are photographers there all the time now?and there she was. Again! I could hardly believe it. Rachel, barreling past a photographer, looking rough. I?m pretty sure she?d just left Scott?s house. I didn?t even get upset. I was just astounded. And when I brought it up with Tom?calmly, matter-of-factly?he was just as baffled as I was. I?ll get in touch with her, he said. I?ll find out what?s going on. You?ve tried that, I said as gently as I could. It doesn?t make any difference. I suggested that maybe it was time to take legal advice, to look into getting a restraining order or something. She isn?t actually harassing us, though, is she? he said. The phone calls have stopped, she hasn?t approached us or come to the house. Don?t worry about it, darling. I?ll sort it. He?s right, of course, about the harassment thing. But I don?t care. There?s something up, and I?m not prepared to just ignore it. I?m tired of being told not to worry. I?m tired of being told that he?ll sort things out, that he?ll talk to her, that eventually she?ll go away. I think the time has come to take matters into my own hands. The next time I see her, I?m calling that police officer?the woman, Detective Riley. She seemed nice, sympathetic. I know Tom feels sorry for Rachel, but honestly I think it?s time I dealt with that bitch once and for all."

"I feel a real sense of disappointment, I feel as though I have been cheated on. A familiar ache fills my chest. I have felt this way before. On a larger scale, to a more intense degree, of course, but I remember the quality of the pain. You don?t forget it."

"I don?t know. I don?t know where that strength went, I don?t remember losing it. I think that over time it got chipped away, bit by bit, by life, by the living of it."

"I feel a rush of gratitude so strong, it feels almost like love."

"I felt dizzy, as though I were having an out-of-body experience, as though I were looking out at myself."

"I feel about an incident is proportionate not just to the gravity of the situation, but also to the number of people who have witnessed it."

"I feel like myself?the myself I used to be."

"I feel that I have become lighter, more freedom, but also sadder."

"I had every right to be angry, didn?t I? We were trying to have a baby?shouldn?t we have been prepared to make sacrifices? I would have cut off a limb if it meant I could have had a child. Couldn?t he have forgone a weekend in Vegas?"

"I felt isolated in my misery. I became lonely, so I drank a bit, and then a bit more, and then I became lonelier, because no one likes being around a drunk. I lost and I drank and I drank and I lost."

"I found out the way everyone seems to find out these days: an electronic slip. Sometimes it?s a text or a voice mail message; in my case it was an email, the modern-day lipstick on the collar."

"I felt guilty. Stupid, I know, but I thought about Scott?about what we did and how it felt?and I wished I hadn?t done it, because it felt like a betrayal. Of Tom. The man who left me for another woman two years ago. I can?t help how I feel."

"I felt that there was something unnatural, but I eventually realized that it is a natural thing exists in me."

"I have lost control over everything, even the places in my head."

"I have never understood how people can blithely disregard the damage they do by following their hearts. Who was it said that following your heart is a good thing? It is pure egotism, a selfishness to conquer all."

"I have to start talking if I do not do it now, maybe I will not have the courage to try, and the unspoken words will end up piling up in the throat to choke in his sleep."

"I have to keep things vague, jumble up all the men, the lovers and the exes, but I tell myself that?s OK, because it doesn?t matter who they are. It matters how they make me feel."

"I have to find a way of making myself happy, I have to stop looking for happiness elsewhere. It?s true, I do, I know I do, and then I?m in the moment and I just think, fuck it, life?s too short."