American Writer, Author of "Codependent No More"
"Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos into order, confusion into clarity. It turns problems into gifts, failures into success, the unexpected into perfect timing, and mistakes into important events. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today and creates a vision for tomorrow."
"Worrying about people and problems doesn't help. It doesn't solve problems, it doesn't help other people, and it doesn't help us. It is wasted energy"
"[Gratitude] turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos into order, confusion into clarity...it makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow."
"I used to spend so much time reacting and responding to everyone else that my life had no direction. Other people's lives, problems, and wants set the course for my life. Once I realized it was okay for me to think about and identify what I wanted, remarkable things began to take place in my life."
"Other people maay be there to help us, teach us, guide us aolng our path, But the lesson to be learned is always ours."
"The lesson I was learning involved the idea that I could feel compassion for people without acting on it."
"Goals give us direction. They put a powerful force into play on a universal, conscious, and subconscious level. Goals give our life direction."
"You don't blast a heart open," she said. "You coax and nurture it open, like the sun does to a rose."
"Live your life fom your heart. Share from your heart. And your story will touch and heal people's souls."
"Sometimes, we don’t get what we want. . . But this is a benevolent universe. And once in a while, we do."
"Going home means getting comfortable being who you are and who your soul really wants to be. There is no strain with that. The strain and tension come when we're not being who our soul wants to be and we're someplace where our soul doesn't feel at home."
"A man went to Istanbul, his first visit there. On his way to a business meeting, this man lost his way. He began raging at himself for getting lost, until a realization allowed him to transcend his ire. How can I be lost? I've never been here before?"
"A codependent person is one who has let another person's behavior affect him or her and who is obsessed with controlling that person's behavior."
"According to some Eastern religion, there is a belt that goes across the world, and I've heard that Minnesota is right in the heart of this spiritual-creative belt of energy."
"Don?t look down. Look up! The steeper the climb, the more important it is to laugh. People say the bubble is popping, it?s bad out there, and it?s getting worse. Everyone?s getting the rug ripped out from under them, one man said. No matter how bad it gets, we can still find happiness. There?s some for each of us. We may need to redefine what happiness is before we can find it but when we do, we discover it?s been there all along. Another word for happiness is Peace. It?s been looking for us."
"Boundaries emerge from deep within. They are connected to letting go of guilt and shame, and to changing our beliefs about what we deserve. As our thinking about this becomes clearer, so will our boundaries. Boundaries are also connected to a Higher Timing than our own. We?ll set a limit when we?re ready, and not a moment before. So will others. There?s something magical about reaching that point of becoming ready to set a limit. We know we mean what we say; others take us seriously too. Things change, not because we?re controlling others, but because we?ve changed."
"Codependents are reactionaries. They overreact. They underreact. But rarely do they act. They react to the problems, pains, lives, and behaviors of others. They react to their own problems, pains, and behaviors."
"Ever since people first existed, they have been doing all the things we label codependent. They have worried themselves sick about other people. They have tried to help in ways that didn't help. They have said yes when they meant no. They have tried to make other people see things their way. They have bent over backwards avoiding hurting people's feelings and, in so doing, have hurt themselves. They have been afraid to trust their feelings. They have believed lies and then felt betrayed. They have wanted to get even and punish others. They have felt so angry they wanted to kill. They have struggled for their rights while other people said they didn't have any. They have worn sackcloth because they didn't believe they deserved silk."
"Furthermore, worrying about people and problems doesn't help. It doesn't solve problems, it doesn't help other people, and it doesn't help us. It is wasted energy."
"Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow."
"Gratitude isn't a tool to manipulate the universe or God. It's a way to acknowledge our faith that everything happens for a reason even if we don't know what that reason is."
"He talks about God, and loving God. He says that when we open to loving a person, whether that person is a spouse, friend, or child, we open our hearts to loving God. He says when we let someone love us, we're opening our hearts to god's love. he says the acts are the same."
"Gratitude turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos into order, confusion into clarity... it makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow."
"Help me let go of my need to stay immersed in negativity. I can change the energy in myself and my environment from nega?tive to positive. I will affirm the good until it sinks in and feels real. I will also strive to find one quality that I like about someone else who's important to me, and I will take the risk of telling him or her that."
"I gave three years of my life to take care of my dying mother who had Alzheimer's disease. Being there for her every need for three years might have looked codependent but it wasn't because it was what I wanted to do."
"I didn't have to scramble up and down the ladder from despair to euphoria anymore, trying to convince myself that life was either painful and terrible or joyous and wonderful. The simple truth was that life was both."
"I know when to say no and when to say yes. I take responsibility for my choices. The victim? She went somewhere else. The only one who can truly victimize me is myself, and 99 percent of the time I choose to do that no more. But I need to continue to remember the key principles: boundaries, letting go, forgiveness after feeling my feelings?not before, self-expression, loving others but loving myself, too."
"I pray for faith that my future will be good if I live today well, and in peace. I will remember that staying in the present is the best thing I can do for my future. I will focus on what?s happening now instead of what?s going to happen tomorrow."
"I trust so much in the power of the heart and the soul; I know that the answer to what we need to do next is in our own hearts. All we have to do is listen, then take that one step further and trust what we hear. We will be taught what we need to learn."
"It's hard to give up the self-esteem connected to being codependent and appearing 'right,' which is probably a survival behavior learned from growing up in a crazy family. It feels like you will actually disappear."
"Let go of your expectations. The universe will do what it will. Sometimes your dreams will come true. Sometimes they won't. Sometimes when you let go of a broken dream, another one gently takes its place. Be aware of what is, not what you would like to be, taking place."
"Live your life from your heart. Share from your heart. And your story will touch and heal people's souls."
"Like it or not, i was already learning that in the worst and darkest time, I would find specks of light, moments of joy. What I didn't want to learn was the other, harsher lesson - that in life's brightest moments there would also be unbearable pain."
"Make New Year's goals. Dig within, and discover what you would like to have happen in your life this year. This helps you do your part. It is an affirmation that you're interested in fully living life in the year to come. Goals give us direction. They put a powerful force into play on a universal, conscious, and subconscious level. Goals give our life direction. What would you like to have happen in your life this year? What would you like to do, to accomplish? What good would you like to attract into your life? What particular areas of growth would you like to have happen to you? What blocks, or character defects, would you like to have removed? What would you like to attain? Little things and big things? Where would you like to go? What would you like to have happen in friendship and love? What would you like to have happen in your family life? What problems would you like to see solved? What decisions would you like to make? What would you like to happen in your career? Write it down. Take a piece of paper, a few hours of your time, and write it all down - as an affirmation of you, your life, and your ability to choose. Then let it go. The new year stands before us, like a chapter in a book, waiting to be written. We can help write that story by setting goals."
"Stop coping with events by devaluing yourself. Instead, respond to life by loving and taking care of yourself."
"Real power comes when we stop holding others responsible for our pain, and we take responsibility for all our feelings."
"The test, the mark, of a person that's on a spiritual path is whether they can live in harmony."
"They call me a self-help writer, but I?m not an expert or a guru. I don?t give medical, psychiatric, or legal advice. I research, and then combine personal experience with what the experts say. Then I turn that into easy stories for people to watch or read. Sometimes I show people how others (and I) work through certain issues and I suggest options, but I don?t tell people what to do. I tell them they can do it, instead (a practice referred to as empowerment or permissions therapy.) Topics I write about run the gamut from spiritual growth to true crime. When people aask where I find my stories or get my ideas, I tell them the truth. ?They find me,? I say. I write nonfiction: journalism, magazine articles, books, and TV movies. When I write newspaper articles about what people can do to improve their lives, it?s called service journalism."
"Today, I will let go. I will stop trying to control everything. I will stop trying to make myself be and do better, and I will let myself be."
"We decided that sooner or later you had to learn to live without almost everybody, at least for a while. Even people you didn't think you could live without."