Great Throughts Treasury

"If I had a Boy Scout I could make a fire by rubbing his hind legs together."

"If it can't be expressed in figures, it is not science; it is opinion."

"If it has to be done, a man?a real man?shoots his own dog himself; he doesn?t hire a proxy who may bungle it."

"If Satan should ever replace God he would find it necessary to assume the attributes of Divinity."

"If tempted by something that feels altruistic, examine your motives and root out that self-deception. Then, if you still want to do it, wallow in it!"

"If the universe has any purpose more important than topping a woman you love and making a baby with her hearty help, I've never heard of it."

"If we can use an H-bomb--and as you said it's no checker game; it's real, it's war and nobody is fooling around--isn't it sort of ridiculous to go crawling around in the weeds, throwing knives and maybe getting yourself killed... and even losing the war... when you've got a real weapon you can use to win? What's the point in a whole lot of men risking their lives with obsolete weapons when one professor type can do so much more just by pushing a button?' Zim didn't answer at once, which wasn't like him at all. Then he said softly, 'Are you happy in the Infantry, Hendrick? You can resign, you know.' Hendrick muttered something; Zim said, 'Speak up!' I'm not itching to resign, sir. I'm going to sweat out my term.' I see. Well, the question you asked is one that a sergeant isn't really qualified to answer... and one that you shouldn't ask me. You're supposed to know the answer before you join up. Or you should. Did your school have a course in History and Moral Philosophy?' What? Sure--yes, sir.' Then you've heard the answer. But I'll give you my own--unofficial--views on it. If you wanted to teach a baby a lesson, would you cuts its head off?' Why... no, sir!' Of course not. You'd paddle it. There can be circumstances when it's just as foolish to hit an enemy with an H-Bomb as it would be to spank a baby with an ax. War is not violence and killing, pure and simple; war is controlled violence, for a purpose. The purpose of war is to support your government's decisions by force. The purpose is never to kill the enemy just to be killing him... but to make him do what you want him to do. Not killing... but controlled and purposeful violence. But it's not your business or mine to decide the purpose of the control. It's never a soldier's business to decide when or where or how--or why--he fights; that belongs to the statesmen and the generals. The statesmen decide why and how much; the generals take it from there and tell us where and when and how. We supply the violence; other people--older and wiser heads, as they say--supply the control. Which is as it should be. That's the best answer I can give you. If it doesn't satisfy you, I'll get you a chit to go talk to the regimental commander. If he can't convince you--then go home and be a civilian! Because in that case you will certainly never make a soldier."

"If you are part of a society that votes, then do so. There may be no candidates and no measures you want to vote for... but there are certain to be ones you want to vote against. In case of doubt, vote against. By this rule you will rarely go wrong."

"If you can show me, Ticky answered with simple dignity, where it says one word in the Navy Uniform Regulations on the subject of hair ribbons, I'll take it off. Otherwise not."

"If you disturb the patient at such times, he may break into tears or become violent. and, if you shake him, he bites."

"If you don't like yourself, you can't like other people."

"If you happen to be one of the fretful minority who can do creative work, never force an idea; you'll abort it if you do. Be patient and you'll give birth to it when the time is ripe. Learn to wait."

"If you pray hard enough, water will run uphill. How hard? Why, hard enough to make water run uphill, of course!"

"If you wanted to teach a baby a lesson, would you cut its head off?"

"If you would know a man, observe how he treats a cat."

"If you've got the truth you can demonstrate it. Talking doesn't prove it."

"Ignorance is curable, stupid is forever."

"I'll give you an exact definition. When the happiness of another person becomes as essential to yourself as your own, then the state of love exists."

"I'm afraid of coaching, of writer's classes, of writer's magazines, of books on how to write. They give me "centipede trouble" -- you know the yarn about the centipede who was asked how he managed all his feet? He tried to answer, stopped to think about it, and was never able to walk another step."

"I'm always suspicious of disinterested interest."

"I'm so busy doing what I must do that I don't have time for what I ought to do... and I never get a chance to do what I want to do!"

"I'm too much old-timer to be rude to a woman no matter what - they have so much of what we have none of."

"In a matter of some generations all the stupid ones will die out and those with your discipline will inherit the Earth"

"In a mixed ship [men and women] the last thing a trooper hears before a drop (maybe the last word he ever hears) is a woman's voice, wishing him luck. If you don't think this is important you've probably resigned from the human race."

"In a society in which it is a moral offense to be different from your neighbor your only escape is never to let them find out."

"In my home town sixty years ago when I was a child, my mother and father used to take me and my brothers and sisters out to Swope Park on Sunday afternoons. It was a wonderful place for kids, with picnic grounds and lakes and a zoo. But a railroad line cut straight through it. One Sunday afternoon a young married couple were crossing these tracks. She apparently did not watch her step, for she managed to catch her foot in the frog of a switch to a siding and could not pull it free. Her husband stopped to help her. But try as they might they could not get her foot loose. While they were working at it, a tramp showed up, walking the ties. He joined the husband in trying to pull the young woman's foot loose. No luck ? Out of sight around the curve a train whistled. Perhaps there would have been time to run and flag it down, perhaps not. In any case both men went right ahead trying to pull her free... and the train hit them. The wife was killed, the husband was mortally injured and died later, the tramp was killed ? and testimony showed that neither man made the slightest effort to save himself. The husband's behavior was heroic... but what we expect of a husband toward his wife: his right, and his proud privilege, to die for his woman. But what of this nameless stranger? Up to the very last second he could have jumped clear. He did not. He was still trying to save this woman he had never seen before in his life, right up to the very instant the train killed him. And that's all we'll ever know about him. This is how a man dies. This is how a man... lives!"

"In terms of morals there is no such thing as ?state.? Just men. Individuals. Each responsible for his own acts."

"In the absence of clearly-defined goals, we become strangely loyal to performing daily trivia until ultimately we become enslaved by it."

"In the eighty or ninety years I have given to this subject, trying to trace out the meanderings of their twisty little minds, the only thing that I have learned for certain about women is that when a gal is gonna, she's gonna. All a man can do is cooperate with the inevitable."

"In the twentieth century, nowhere on Earth was sex so vigorously suppressed as in America---and nowhere else was there such a deep interest in it."

"In this complex world, science, the scientific method, and the consequences of the scientific method are central to everything the human race is doing and to wherever we are going. If we blow ourselves up we will do it by misapplication of science; if we manage to keep from blowing ourselves up, it will be through intelligent application of science."

"In Wilson's scale of evaluations breakfast rated just after life itself and ahead of the chance of immortality."

"Is this Paradise?'"

"It comes from exercising care in the choice of parents."

"It hurts to love someone and not be loved in return, but what is the most painful is to love someone and never find the courage to let the person know how you feel."

"It is a bad sign when the people of a country stop identifying themselves with the country and start identifying with a group. A racial group. Or a religion. Or a language. Anything, as long as it isn't the whole population."

"It is a truism that almost any sect, cult, or religion will legislate its creed into law if it acquires the political power to do so, and will follow it by suppressing opposition, subverting all education to seize early the minds of the young, and by killing, locking up, or driving underground all heretics."

"It is better to copulate than never."

"It is impossible for anyone to be responsible for another person's behavior. The most you or any leader can do is to encourage each one to be responsible for himself."

"It is said that God notes each sparrow that falls. And so He does. But the proper closest statement of it that can be made in English is that God cannot avoid noting the sparrow because the Sparrow is God. And when a cat stalks a sparrow both of them are God, carrying out God's thoughts."

"It is true that Amalgamated has lost business through my activities, but that is the natural result of my discovery, which has made their policies as obsolete as the bow and arrow. If an injunction is granted"

"It may be better to be a live jackal than a dead lion, but it is better still to be a live lion. And usually easier."

"It may be that the Navy has developed hypnosis techniques that have not yet gotten around to passing on to the Army. Or her secret weapon may be older than that and not usable by the Mobile Infantry."

"It seems to me that any law that is not enforced and can't be enforced weakens all other laws."

"It would take centuries and he must grow and grow and grow, but he was in no hurry--he grokked that Eternity and the ever-beautifully-changing Now were identical."

"It?s impossible for a woman to lay it on too thick with a man. If you tell a man he?s eight feet tall and say it often enough, with your eyes wide and a throb in your voice, he?ll start stooping to go through seven-foot doors."

"It?s not enough to be able to lie with a straight face; anybody with enough gall to raise on a busted flush can do that. The first way to lie artistically is to tell the truth ? but not all of it. The second way involves telling the truth, too, but is harder: Tell the exact truth and maybe all of it?but tell it so unconvincingly that your listener is sure you are lying."

"It?s not that easy. You can make omelet from eggs, but not eggs from omelet."

"It's (Politics) rough and sometimes it's dirty and it's always hard work and tedious details. But it's the only sport for grownups."

"It's a long story. Want a refill? No, let's start the steak. Where's the button? Right here. Well, push it. Me? You offered to cook. Ben Caxton, I will lie here and starve before I will get up to push a button six inches from your finger As you wish. He pressed the button. But don't forget who cooked dinner."