Great Throughts Treasury

"With regard to fear of the disapproval of others, the problem is not that you want to be liked. Who does not prefer being liked to disliked? The problem is where this desire stands in your hierarchy of values. Does it stand at the peak, above integrity and self-esteem? The question is not whether you want to be liked, but what you are willing to give in exchange. Are you willing to give up the judgment of your mind? The tragedy for many people is that their answer is yes. I call this a "tragedy" because so much suffering is traceable to this surrender."

"When your principles seem to be demanding suicide, clearly it?s time to check your premises."

"You are not likely to bring out the best in people or nurture their creativity if every time you hear about their problems you instantly give a solution. Encourage people to look for their own solutions-and project the knowledge that they are capable of doing so."

"Whether one believes in a God, and whether one believes we are God's children, is irrelevant to the issue of what self-esteem requires. Let us imagine that there is a God and that we are his/her/its children. In this respect, then, we are all equal. Does it follow that everyone is or should be equal in self-esteem, regardless of whether anyone lives consciously or unconsciously, responsibly or irresponsibly, honestly or dishonestly? Earlier in this book we saw that this is impossible. There is no way for our mind to avoid registering the choices we make in the way we operate and no way for our sense of self to remain unaffected. If we are children of God, the question remains: What are we going to do about it? What are we going to make of it? Will we honor our gifts or betray them? If we betray ourselves and our powers, if we live mindlessly, purposelessly, and without integrity, can we buy our way out, can we acquire self-esteem, by claiming to be God's relatives? Do we imagine we can thus relieve ourselves of personal responsibility?"

"You can hardly feel good about yourself if you are wandering around in a self-induced mental fog. If you attempt to exist unthinkingly, your sense of worthiness suffers, regardless of anyone else's approval or disapproval."

"Your life is important. Honor it. Fight for your highest possibilities."

"Your desire for love from others is inseparable from your desire for visibility. If someone professed love for you but when talking about what he or she found lovable named characteristics you did not think you possessed, did not especially admire, and could not personally relate to, you would hardly feel nourished or loved. You do not merely wish to be loved; you wished to be loved for reasons that are personally meaningful to you and that are congruent with your perception of yourself. Celebrities and beautiful people in general often feel invisible in spite of having numerous admirers precisely because they recognize that their fans are in love with their own fantasy of the person, not the real person."