Helen Rowland


American Journalist and Humorist

Author Quotes

A husband is what is left of a lover, after the nerve has been extracted.

Don't waste time trying to break a man's heart; be satisfied if you can just manage to chip it in a brand new place.

Love, like a chicken salad or restaurant hash, must be taken with blind faith or it loses its flavor.

Some women can be fooled all of the time, and all women can be fooled some of the time, but the same woman can't be fooled by the same man in the same way more than half of the time.

Wedding: the point at which a man stops toasting a woman and begins roasting her.

A man can become so accustomed to the thought of his own faults that he will begin to cherish them as charming little personal characteristics.

Ever since Eve started it all by offering Adam the apple, woman's punishment has been to supply a man with food then suffer the consequences when it disagrees with him.

Man is what remains of her lover, after it is removed the soul.

Somehow a bachelor never quite gets over the idea that he is a thing of beauty and a boy forever.

What a man calls his conscience is merely the mental action that follows a sentimental reaction after too much wine or love.

A man is like a cat; chase him and he will run - sit still and ignore him and he'll come purring at your feet.

Every man wants a woman to appeal to his better side and his nobler instincts - and another woman to help him forget them.

Many men kill themselves for love, but many more women die of it.

Telling lies is a fault in a boy, an art in a lover, an accomplishment in a bachelor, and second-nature in a married man.

When a girl marries, she exchanges the attention of many men for the inattention of one.

A man never knows how to say goodbye; a woman never knows when to say it.

Failing to be there when a man wants her is a woman's greatest sin, except to be there when he doesn't want her.

Marriage is a bargain, and somebody has to get the worst of the bargain.

The chief excitement in a woman's life is spotting women who are fatter than she is

When a man makes a woman his wife, it's the highest compliment he can pay her, and it's usually the last.

A man snatches the first kiss, pleads for the second, demands the third, takes the fourth, accepts the fifth - and endures all the rest.

Falling in love consists merely in uncorking the imagination and bottling the common-sense.

Marriage is like twirling a baton, turning hand springs or eating with chopsticks. It looks easy until you try it.

The follies which a man regrets most, in his life, are those he didn't commit when he had the opportunity.

When a man spends his time giving his wife criticism and advice instead of compliments, he forgets that it was not his good judgment, but his charming manners, that won her heart.

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American Journalist and Humorist