Great Throughts Treasury

"If you're offered a seat on a rocket ship, don't ask what seat! Just get on."

"I'm not pretending I can give advice to every single person or every single couple for every situation; I'm making the point that we are not going to get to equality in the workforce before we get to equality in the home. Not going to happen."

"I'm a pragmatist. I think, as a woman, you have to be more careful. You have to be more communal, you have to say yes to more things than men, you have to worry about things that men don't have to worry about. But once we get enough women into leadership, we can break stereotypes down. If you lead, you get to decide."

"I'm not telling women to be like men. I'm telling us to evaluate what men and women do in the workforce and at home without the gender bias."

"I'm sorry if this sounds harsh or surprises anyone, but this is where we are. If you want the outcome to be different, you will have to do something about it."

"In 1970, American women were paid 59 cents for every dollar their male counterparts made. By 2010, women had protested, fought, and worked their butts off to raise that compensation to 77 cents for every dollar men made. As activist Marlo Thomas wryly joked on Equal Pay Day 2011, Forty years and eighteen cents. A dozen eggs have gone up ten times that amount."

"In addition to the external barriers erected by society, women are hindered by barriers that exist within ourselves. We hold ourselves back in ways both big and small, by lacking self-confidence, by not raising our hands, and by pulling back when we should be leaning in. We internalize the negative messages we get throughout our lives - the messages that say it's wrong to be outspoken, aggressive, more powerful than men. We lower our own expectations of what we can achieve. We continue to do the majority of the housework and child care. We compromise our career goals to make room for partners and children who may not even exist yet. Compared to our male colleagues, fewer of us aspire to senior positions. This is not a list of things other women have done. I have made every mistake on this list. At times, I still do. My argument is that getting rid of these internal barriers is critical to gaining power. Others have argued that women can get to the top only when the institutional barriers are gone. This is the ultimate chicken-and-egg situation. The chicken: Women will tear down the external barriers once we achieve leadership roles. We will march into our bosses' offices and demand what we need, including pregnancy parking. Or better yet, we'll become bosses and make sure all women have what they need. The egg: We need to eliminate the external barriers to get women into those roles in the first place. Both sides are right. So rather than engage in philosophical arguments over which comes first, let's agree to wage battles on both fronts. They are equally important. I am encouraging women to address the chicken, but I fully support those who are focusing on the egg."

"In November 2011, San Francisco magazine ran a story on female entrepreneurs in Silicon Valley and illustrated it by superimposing the featured women's heads onto male bodies. The only body type they could imagine for successful entrepreneurship was wearing a tie or a hoodie. Our culture needs to find a robust image of female success that is first, not male, and second, not a white woman on the phone, holding a crying baby."

"Imagine that a career is like a marathon?a long, grueling, and ultimately rewarding endeavor. Now imagine a marathon where both men and women arrive at the starting line equally fit and trained. The gun goes off. The men and women run side by side. The male marathoners are routinely cheered on: Lookin? strong! On your way! But the female runners hear a different message. You know you don?t have to do this! the crowd shouts. Or Good start?but you probably won?t want to finish. The farther the marathoners run, the louder the cries grow for the men: Keep going! You?ve got this! But the women hear more and more doubts about their efforts. External voices, and often their own internal voice, repeatedly question their decision to keep running. The voices can even grow hostile. As the women struggle to endure the rigors of the race, spectators shout, Why are you running when your children need you at home?"

"In the future, there will be no female leaders. There will just be leaders."

"Instead of pondering the question ?Can we have it all?? we should be asking the more practical question, ?Can we do it all?? And again, the answer is no."

"In fact, my New Year's resolution every year, and I'm Jewish so I get two New Years a year, is to meditate, and I fail every time."

"In order to protect ourselves from being disliked, we question our abilities and downplay our achievements, especially in the presence of others. We put ourselves down before others can."

"Intelligence and success are not clear paths to popularity at any age. This complicates everything, because at the same time women need to...own their success, doing so causes them to be liked less."

"Internal obstacles are rarely discussed and often underplayed. Throughout my life, I was told over and over about inequalities in the workplace and how hard it would be to have a career and a family. I rarely heard anything, however, about the ways I might hold myself back. These internal obstacles deserve a lot more attention, in part because they are under our own control. We can dismantle the hurdles in ourselves today. We can start this very moment."

"It bothered me because like most people who have choices, I am not completely comfortable with mine."

"It is time for us to face the fact that our revolution has stalled. A truly equal world would be one where women ran half of our countries and companies and men ran half of our homes. The laws of economics and many studies of diversity tell us that if we tapped the entire pool of human resources and talent, our performance would improve."

"It should be a badge of honor for men to sponsor women."

"It is the ultimate luxury to combine passion and contribution. It?s also a very clear path to happiness. We live this, like, every day. Our work here is our passion and we genuinely feel we contribute to the overall well-being of mothers and families so we can vouch for this."

"It turns out that a husband who does the laundry, it?s very romantic when you?re older. And it?s hard to believe when you?re younger. But it?s absolutely true. Preach, sister!"

"It may not be as dramatic or funny to make a movie about a woman who loves both her job and her family, but that would be a better reflection of reality. We need more portrayals of women as competent professionals and happy mothers?"

"It's easy to dislike the few senior women out there. What if women were half the positions in power? It would be harder to dislike all of them."

"Just being nice is not a winning strategy. Nice sends a message that the woman is willing to sacrifice pay to be liked by others. This is why a woman needs to combine niceness with insistence, a style that Mary sue Coleman, president of the University of Michigan, calls relentlessly pleasant. This method requires smiling frequently, expressing appreciation and concern, invoking common interests, emphasizing larger goals, and approaching the negotiation as solving a problem as opposed to taking a critical stance. Most negotiations involve drawn-out, successive moves, so women need to stay focused... and smile. No wonder women don't negotiate as much as men. It's like trying to cross a minefield backward in high heels. So what should we do? Should we play by the rules that others created? Should we figure out a way to put on a friendly expression while not being too nice, displaying the right levels of loyalty and using we language? I understand the paradox of advising women to change the world by adhering to biased rules and expectations. I know it is not a perfect answer but a means to a desirable end. It is also true, as any good negotiator knows, that having a better understanding of the other side leads to a superior outcome. So at the very least, women can enter these negotiations with the knowledge that showing concern for the common good, even as they negotiate for themselves, will strengthen their position."

"Larry said he could understand the complaint, but what he did not understand was that all the people who quit - every single one - had unused vacation time. Up until the day they left, they did everything McKinsey asked of them before deciding that it was too much. Larry implored us to exert more control over our careers. He said McKinsey would never stop making demands on our time, so it was up to us to decide what we were willing to do. It was our responsibility to draw the line."

"It's more pressure on women to - if they marry or partner with someone, to partner with the right person. Because you cannot have a full career and a full life at home with your children if you are also doing all of the housework and child care."

"It?s more pressure on women to?if they marry or partner with someone, to partner with the right person. Because you cannot have a full career and a full life at home with your children if you are also doing all of the housework and childcare."

"Leadership is about making others better as a result of your presence and making sure that impact lasts in your absence."

"Leadership is not bullying and leadership is not aggression. Leadership is the expectation that you can use your voice for good. That you can make the world a better place."

"Many have argued with me that ambition is not the problem. Women are not less ambitious than men, they insist, but more enlightened with different and more meaningful goals. I do not dismiss or dispute this argument. There is far more to life than climbing a career ladder, including raising children, seeking personal fulfillment, contributing to society, and improving the lives of others. And there are many people who are deeply committed to their jobs but do not - and should not have to - aspire to run their organizations. Leadership roles are not the only way to have profound impact."

"Looking back, it made no sense for my college friends and me to distance ourselves from the hard-won achievements of earlier feminists. We should have cheered their efforts. Instead, we lowered our voices, thinking the battle was over, and with this reticence we hurt ourselves."

"Long-term success at work often depends on not trying to meet every demand placed on us. The best way to make room for both life and career is to make choices deliberately?to set limits and stick to them."

"Madeleine Albright once said, ?There?s a special place in hell for women who don?t help other women.?"

"Maybe someday shedding tears in the workplace will no longer be viewed as embarrassing or weak, but as a simple display of authentic emotion. And maybe the compassion and sensitivity that have historically held some women back will make them more natural leaders in the future. In the meantime, we can all hasten this change by committing ourselves to both seek - and speak - our truth."

"Men can comfortably claim credit for what they do as long as they don't veer into arrogance. For women, taking credit comes at a real social and professional cost."

"Men are allowed to be focused on their own achievements, while loyalty is expected from women."

"Most people assume that women are responsible for households and child care. Most couples operate that way - not all. That fundamental assumption holds women back."

"Men have an easier time finding the mentors and sponsors who are invaluable for career progression. Plus, women have to prove themselves to a far greater extent than men do. And this is not just in our heads. A 2011 McKinsey report noted that men are promoted based on potential, while women are promoted based on past accomplishments."

"My coworkers should understand that I need to go to a party tonight--and this is just as legitimate as their kids' soccer game--because going to a party is the only way I might actually meet someone and start a family so I can have a soccer game to go to one day!"

"Motivation comes from working on things we care about. It also comes from working with people we care about."

"No wonder women don't negotiate as often as men. It's like trying to cross a minefield backward in high heels."

"Of the twenty-eight women who have served as CEOs of Fortune 500 companies, twenty-six were married, one was divorced, and only one had never married.10 Many of these CEOs said they could not have succeeded without the support of their husbands, helping with the children, the household chores, and showing a willingness to move."

"My hope in writing 'Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead' was to change the conversation from what women can't do to what we can."

"One of the conflicts inherent in having choice is that we all make different ones. There is always an opportunity cost, and I don?t know any woman who feels comfortable with all her decisions. As a result, we inadvertently hold that discomfort against those who remind us of the path not taken. Guilt and insecurity make us second-guess ourselves and, in turn, resent one another."

"My hope, of course, is that we won?t have to play by these archaic rules forever and that eventually we can all just be ourselves."

"Our culture needs to find a robust image of female success that is first, not male, and second, not a white woman on the phone, holding a crying baby,"

"One of the immediate questions new parents face is who will provide primary care for a child. The historical choice has been the mother. Breast-feeding alone has made this both the logical and the biological choice. But the advent of the modern-day breast pump has changed the equation. At Google, I would lock my office door and pump during conference calls. People would ask, ?What?s that sound?? I would respond, ?What sound?? When they would insist that there was a loud beeping noise that they could hear on the phone, I would say, ?Oh, there?s a fire truck across the street.? I thought I was pretty clever until I realized that others on the call were sometimes in the same building and knew there was no fire truck. Busted."

"Pages on Facebook are allowed to be anonymous. That is really important. People start revolutions; we need anonymity. As contributors here, we often receive hate mail and nasty messages from trolls so we get the whole needing to be anonymous thing. That said, there?s incredible reward that comes from being brave, honest, and vulnerable."

"Over the last 10 years, women have stalled out at the top."

"Parents who work outside the home are still capable of giving their children a loving and secure childhood. Some data even suggest that having two parents working outside the home can be advantageous to a child's development, particularly for girls."

"Painful knowledge is better than blissful ignorance."