Great Throughts Treasury

"The purpose of life is a life of purpose."

"Everything is in flux, including the status quo."

"A situation is not hopeless until the contract is signed."

"Absence makes the heart go yonder."

"A fool and his money are soon partied."

"A lack of accuracy can save your life if you are hurling yourself on your sword."

"A promising young man should go into politics so that he can go on promising for the rest of his life."

"Anybody who believes that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach flunked geography."

"All politics is loco."

"Catholics go to Confession just to brag."

"Collecting quotations is an insidious, even embarrassing habit, like ragpicking or hoarding rocks or trying on other people's laundry. I got into it originally while trying to break an addiction to candy. I kicked candy and now seem to be stuck with quotations, which are attacking my brain instead of my teeth."

"Byrne's Law: In any electrical circuit, appliances and wiring will burn out to protect fuses."

"Confidence is always overconfidence."

"Democracy is being allowed to vote for the candidate you dislike least."

"Beauty is in the eye of the cuckholder."

"Doing a thing well is often a waste of time."

"Get in good physical condition before submitting to bondage. You should be fit to be tied."

"Never trust anyone over-dirty."

"Everything is in a state of flux, including the status quo."

"He who hesitates is bossed."

"Getting caught is the mother of invention."

"In case of a water landing, the flight attendant can be used as a flotation device."

"In order to preserve your self-respect, it is sometimes necessary to lie and cheat."

"Learning to dislike children at an early age saves a lot of expense and aggravation later in life."

"Memorial Service: Farewell party for someone who already left."

"Love will find a lay."

"Messages women send to men are often lost in the male."

"No one ever committed suicide while reading a good book, but many have tried while trying to write one."

"Prejudices save time."

"Partying is such sweet sorrow."

"The trouble with solitude is that there is no one to share it with."

"Tumescence is the period between pubescence and senescence."

"There are two kinds of people, those who finish what they start and so on."

"One of the disadvantages of having children is that they eventually get old enough to give you presents they make at school."

"One reason people get divorced is that they run out of gift ideas for each other."

"Until you walk a mile in another man's moccasins you can't imagine the smell."

"When the going gets tough, the smart get lost."

"Winter is nature's way of saying "Up yours.""