Great Throughts Treasury

"Gratitude For When Things Do Work Well: Things don't always work as we would want them to. Machines break down. People don't remember to do what they said they would. Stores run out of things, and sometimes they are closed when they were scheduled to be open. Letters we were supposed to receive aren't always delivered on time. Messages are not always given to us. The amount of things that don't work out the way they usually do is enormous. How will your emotional reaction be towards these types of occurrences? It's up to you. Some people choose to be frustrated and disappointed. They feel stress and distress. They lack a feeling of well-being. A master of gratitude will use all occurrences to gain greater mastery over gratitude. Each time something doesn't work out the way they would want it to, they remember to feel grateful for all the times that things do work out well [as well as being grateful that it wasn't even worse]. This pattern of thinking gives them feelings of happiness and joy. When a machine breaks down, they are happy for all the times when this and other machines do work. If someone doesn't remember to do what he said he would, they are grateful for all the times this person did remember. And they are grateful for other people remembering to do what they said they would. When stores run out of things, it's a reminder to be grateful for all the times this store and other stores had the things that you needed and wanted. A message not given is a reminder to be more careful to give over messages yourself, and to be grateful for all the messages that you did receive. A letter not received on time is a reminder to be grateful for all the letters you did receive on time. All the many things that don't work out the way they usually do, are reminders to be grateful for all multitude of things that do work out. A person who integrates this pattern will live a life of gratitude and happiness."

"Gratitude Exercise [which can be used to start and end the day or as a way of saying grace before a meal]:"

"Happiness as an obligation means that whether or not you are happy in your life depends largely on yourself. You have the ability to master an attitude that will produce happiness. Not only do you have this ability, but it is a Torah obligation. To master happiness you have to challenge your counterproductive ways of thinking and consciously make an effort to think thoughts conducive to happiness. This concept can bring hope and encouragement to someone who is presently unhappy. While it is possible to change self-statements and patterns of thought in a short time, from any people it takes a concerted effort over a long period of time before new ways of thinking become automatic. Even an expert at thinking in a positive manner will most likely be needlessly unhappy occasionally. Expecting perfection is unreasonable and unproductive."

"Give Up Demands For Status: Honor-seeking often motivates people more than any other desire in the world. If a person would give up his demands for status, he would be content as long as his minimum needs for food, clothing, and shelter were met. A great part of a person's need for money comes from his demand for status. Because he wants the admiration of others, he feels a need for expensive clothing and a fancy home. A person who gives up his demand for approval will be able to clarify for what his actual needs are, and save himself from needless toil and suffering."

"Happiness is a skill that can be learned. The essential factor whether or not you will live a happy life is not based so much on external factors such as wealth, success, or fame, but on your attitudes towards life, towards yourself, towards other people, and towards events and situations."

"Happiness depends on what goes on in your mind and not what happens 'out there'. Hence if you are thinking negative thoughts, you will be sad even if everyone else in the world is speaking about how great you are. Conversely, if you think positive thoughts, you will feel good even if no one gives you honor. Happiness is dependent on your thoughts and not [for example] on what other people say about you, unless you tell yourself you cannot be happy without the approval and honor of others. But when such is the case, the main problem is not that others do not give you honor, but that you tell yourself it is awful that other people do not give you the honor [respect or fame] you arbitrarily demand."

"Happiness is more precious than wealth. Commit your total self to master it. What will it take to make a strong commitment? Be aware of all the benefits of living a joyous life."

"Having a deep realization of your intrinsic value protects you from the need to prove to anyone else [or yourself, through your friends, words, actions or possessions] that you are an important person. [Ego and humility]"

"Hear the Underlying Factors: If you get insulted, ask yourself, 'What underlying factors are motivating this person to insult me?' Regardless of the words the person is using, the underlying message is that he is frustrated or discouraged. Try to react towards him in the context of his underlying problems and not his actual words."

"How to develop empathy: In order to empathize with the suffering of others, [use your imagination and] make mental images. When someone experiences suffering and pain, make a picture in your mind as if it were happening to you. [Then you have a better idea about what to say and how to behave as it is ...] Whatever you would want other people to do for you in such a situation."

"Hear your Father, your King, the Creator and Sustainer of the entire universe, saying to you: A tourist has a greater appreciation for what others take for granted. A tourist realizes that s/he must see and do as much as possible in the short amount of time to be spent in a specific place. A tourist can get along with much less than someone who views him/herself as a permanent resident. A tourist doesn?t take too seriously anything that?s going on in the place that s/he is visiting. S/he realizes that s/he will not be there very long, so s/he can overlook things that might irritate or distress others. A tourist knows that s/he will soon be going home. Bear this in mind, and make the most of your visit to this planet."

"If a person decides to view life from a place of self-confidence, this confident lens will color all that he sees. More positive opportunities will appear."

"I realized that we had come across certain tools that worked miraculously in helping us become responsible for every aspect of our lives."

"I am now committing my mind and resources to continue developing all of my character traits, especially the traits of being happy and joyful. Every moment I choose my thoughts, feelings, words, and actions, so right now I will choose to be happier and more joyful...I will keep developing the mind-set of someone who is constantly happy and joyful. I will become happier and more joyful all the time. It is becoming easier to be happy and joyful. I access and create more happy and joyful moments...My happiness and joy enables me to think, speak, and act at my best. I am grateful for each happy moment. My own happiness will be able to help others. I will find it easier to grow in happiness and joy."

"I am now committing my mind and resources toward taking positive action to reach my most important goals. I can see myself speaking and acting in ways that enable me to reach my goals. I will feel great when I take action to accomplish what I want to accomplish. I will have the necessary wisdom to know what to do. I will feel joy and happiness because I am making progress. I will enjoy every step that I take. I will find it tremendously pleasurable to do what I need to do. All blocks and obstacles will melt away. I will find it easier and easier to take action... I will keep learning the knowledge and skills that will enable me to reach my goals... I will greatly enjoy the process... I will be calm and serene about the entire process. [Imagine the future you want. Anticipate it going well and it being enjoyable. Use guided imagination affirmations to help you imagine it]"

"If your peace of mind depends on getting everything you want and having everything just perfect, this is a recipe for unhappiness. Why? Because no human being can sustain this perfection over any period of time! As soon as the situation changes and you find yourself missing things, your life will be full of suffering and worry. To achieve constant peace of mind, master the ability of not desiring anything unrealistic. Today, ask yourself: Do I demand perfection, or am I willing to give in to things which are beyond my control?"

"If you seek approval, ask yourself why you want approval in the first place. The answer is ultimately, you want to be happy and you feel that approval is pleasurable and will give you happiness. Realizing how much needless suffering your approval seeking causes you, will motivate you to strive to master an attitude that allows you to feel happy even when people fail to show you honor and approval. It is ironic that something you want for happiness causes you so much unhappiness. By giving up your demand for approval, you will ensure yourself greater happiness in life."

"If someone is critical of you in a harsh tone of voice, try telling them the following: 'I appreciate your strong feelings about the matter, but I would appreciate the comments more if they were expressed more pleasantly.' [Soften Criticism]"

"Ignore Insults: We have an obligation to be extremely careful not to do or say anything that will constitute even a minor slight to the honor and respect due another person. However, if someone insults us, we should tolerate what they say and still strive to be kind to that person. Of course, this is not an easy level to reach. It takes much hard work and effort to train yourself to ignore the insults of others."

"Instead of worrying how well you will do a task, spend your time preparing and practicing. Keep your focus on improvement. Take, for example, teaching. The amount of success and satisfaction you will experience in teaching depends on how dedicated you are and how thoroughly you prepare for each class. If you are enthusiastic about the subject and strongly desire to transfer your enthusiasm to your students, you will most likely be a good teacher. Worrying about how well you will do just makes you anxious and ineffective. Working on the specific skills needed for improvement will relieve you of your worrying and render you a more effective teacher."

"Imagine what goals you would set for yourself if you would be in your ideal state of mind using your ability to remember your greatest moments of self-confidence, recall some moments when you felt very self-confident. With your ability to use your imagination, imagine yourself acting extremely self-confident in the future. Now give yourself permission to imagine being given the gift of super great self-confidence."

"It is difficult to accept suffering but we can improve our attitudes. Whatever happens in the world is for the ultimate good... Accepting suffering with a positive attitude is a very difficult task. By not fearing suffering it becomes easier to tolerate... Much suffering can be overcome by the changing of attitudes."

"Insulting An Insulter: Trying to stop someone from insulting you, by insulting him back, is like trying to put out a fire by throwing oil on it. If you insult someone who insults you, he will continue insulting you, even more vigilantly and viciously. If, however, you remain silent to an insult, the person will have said what he wanted and will stop."

"It is impossible to define adequately what happiness is since happiness is an emotional state, which is an experience and not a concept. Emotions are comprised of physiological states and cognitions and only a person who has experienced them can know what they are... Webster?s New Collegiate Dictionary?s definition: ?A state of well-being and contentment.?"

"It is hard to know what is good luck and what isn't and therefore whether we should be happy or sad about it. Only time will tell. For example... The Talmud relates a story about two people who wanted to travel by boat. One broke his foot and was unable to make the trip, while his friend got on the boat. The one who missed the boat cursed his misfortune. A few days later, however, he heard that the boat sank and all the passengers drowned."

"It is unrealistic to demand perfection of oneself. The goal should be improvement."

"It is easy to condemn others. It is not as easy to assist them to improve, but much more beneficial."

"It's not how other people treat you that makes you important and honorable. Rather, it's how you treat others."

"It takes wisdom to discern the true good in every situation. Be careful not to allow negative things to happen because of your carelessness, procrastination, or desire for comfort and justify your inaction by saying what is happening is for the good. Only when nothing can be done should you accept it for the best."

"Just Pause: Being impulsive causes many mistakes and errors. Doing things impulsively will cause loss, damage, and harm. Saying things impulsively will cause you to say things better left unsaid. Thinking before you speak will enable you to think of the best way to say something. Thinking before you take action will enable you to consider whether you should do something, and how to do it if you should. The two words that will remind you to stop and think are, 'Just pause.' As you pause, think to yourself, 'What is the wisest thing for me to say and do now?' Practice building the association in your mind between, 'Just pause,' and, 'What is the wisest thing for me to say and do now?' How do you build the association? It's quite easy. You just repeat these two sentences together a number of times. Repeat them with an upbeat tone of voice, or sing them with your own tune. Enjoy the process. This way you will access positive feelings when you recall this association in 'real life.'"

"Just Keep Silent: Sometimes we know that saying something will make a situation worse. We can tell ourselves to, 'Just keep silent.' If we feel tempted to speak negatively about someone, we can strengthen our resolve not to say it by telling ourselves, 'Just keep silent.'"

"Joy in a Challenging Environment: A person who finds himself in a challenging environment is likely to find it difficult to maintain happiness. But he will still be able to create moments of joy throughout each day. Moments of joy add up. The more joyful moments you experience, the easier it will be to create even more moments of joy. And when you think about your life, these moments of joy will automatically come to your mind. another's physical person or property]"

"Keep asking yourself the question, 'What's the best option for dealing with this?' Using the word 'option' tells you that there are always a number of options. And using the word 'best' implies that you have a choice and that some options are better than others. When we are calm and clear-minded this appears to be obvious. But it's not so obvious to someone who is irritated, upset, or angry."

"King Solomon in Proverbs 27:19 states the basic principle of how people react to one another: 'Just as with water, the face [in the water] reflects the face [of the observer], so, too, is the heart of one person to another.' Whatever expression is on your face when you look into water, that is the expression you will see staring back at you. So, too, if you feel positive about another person, that person will feel positive towards you. But if inwardly you feel negative towards someone, even if you do not verbally say anything bad to him, he will have negative feelings towards you."

"Keep focusing on the virtues of the person to whom you are married. This simple idea can easily save people much heartache and strife in their marriage. When you see the good in someone, it is much easier to tolerate the traits you find negative."

"Keep asking yourself, ?What is the goal of my present behavior?? and ?What are the potential harmful consequences?? These two questions will enable you to have greater control over your behavior."

"Lack of meaningful goals in life can lead to sadness. If you do not find meaning what you are doing, you are likely to feel unhappy. To solve this, ask yourself what goals you can set for yourself that you would find meaningful."

"King Solomon's Wise Formula: In the book of Proverbs (27:19), we find an amazing formula for peace. 'As in water, face is to face, so too is the heart of one person to another.' When you look at your reflection in a pond or in a mirror, you will see the exact same expression that is on your face. If you frown and scowl, you will see a frown and scowl staring right back at you. And if you smile and wave, you will see a smile and a wave. This is a natural law of physics. To frown and expect to see a smile on the image of your face in a mirror isn't a wise expectation. King Solomon teaches us that this natural law has a counterpoint in the laws of human nature. The inner feelings you experience towards someone will be reflected back to you from the heart of that person. See the good in other people. See them as being souls who have high aspirations even if at present they are not yet using all of their potential. See people as they will be when they are at their best. Judge people favorably. See the positive intentions of what they say and do even when it would be preferable if they chose better ways to accomplish those positive intentions. The way to influence people to feel better towards you is to radiate unconditional love and respect towards them. When someone likes and respects you first, it's easier to reciprocate those feelings. It is a step towards greatness to be the one to create unconditional love and respect when you need to sustain this in the face of challenges. Be willing to take this step. [Reciprocity and the 'mirror' principle]"

"King Solomon wrote: 'As water reflects a face back to face, so too one's heart is reflected back to him by another' (Proverbs 27:19). We all want others to be friendly and kind to us. The behavior of others is not in our direct control, but our own behavior is. We play a large role in creating the world we live in, especially how others will behave toward us. If you behave toward others in a positive manner, they are much more likely to reciprocate."

"Learn [And Grow] From Your Experience: The essence of wisdom is to have a complete grasp of reality. A wise person knows the probable consequences of a particular course of action. Therefore, someone with experience in a particular is regarded as 'wise' because he has personal knowledge of which actions produce which outcomes. Internalize the knowledge you have obtained from your experience; this will earn you the title, 'a wise person.' Next time you find yourself in a painful or uncomfortable situation, tell yourself, 'With this experience I am gaining more wisdom.' If your mind ever takes you back to past painful events, view them as your personal 'University of Wisdom.'"

"Learn To Ignore Insults: When a wise person is insulted, he acts as if he doesn't know that anything's been said. He acts toward the insult like a deaf person who does not hear and a mute who cannot speak. He walks away as if nothing happened. He does not repeat the incident to anyone. On the other hand, people who respond to insults - or even worse, tell others how someone insulted them - cause themselves humiliation. Learning to ignore insults is a valuable skill. Mentally prepare yourself in advance to act as if you are totally deaf when it comes to hearing insults."

"Learn From Your Experience: The essence of wisdom is to have a complete grasp of reality. A wise person knows the probable consequences of a particular course of action. Therefore, someone with experience in a particular is regarded as 'wise' because he has personal knowledge of which actions produce which outcomes. Internalize the knowledge you have obtained from your experience; this will earn you the title, 'a wise person.' Next time you find yourself in a painful or uncomfortable situation, tell yourself, 'With this experience I am gaining more wisdom.' If your mind ever takes you back to past painful events, view them as your personal 'University of Wisdom.'"

"Learn to differentiate between productive thinking about problems as a means of solving them, and counterproductive dwelling on misfortunes which gains nothing positive and destroys your quality of life."

"Listing What You Have: Internalize the attitude that regardless of how many things you do not have, you can still be happy [and grateful] if you keep your focus on what you do have. Make a list of possessions, talents, and good qualities you have and whenever you catch yourself becoming obsessed with something you lack, review your list."

"Life is about 'Reciprocity' and a version of the Golden Rule, in that 'You will usually be treated as you treat others': Remember usually You Will Get It All Back - When you act with hostility and aggression toward others, they are likely to respond in a similar manner. When you shout at someone, he is likely to shout back. The reverse holds true if you are caring and cheerful toward others. Therefore, for purely pragmatic reasons, we should be kind and friendly in dealing with others. From the Torah perspective, however, this is not merely sound advice. It is an obligation."

"Make it a regular practice to imagine being calm and relaxed [smiling and laughing as well as grateful, hopeful and happy] in situations that are likely to arouse your anger [frustration and unhappiness]."

"No Pain No Gain: Remember this fundamental principle of life: Without hard work, you will not accomplish anything."

"Much anger stems from erroneous perceptions... By making it your habit to judge people favorably, you will be able to assume that perhaps the other person made a mistake, he had different intentions than you suspect or had a good reason for failing to do what you wanted him to do. While we should be on guard to protect ourselves from possible harm, when nothing practical can be done about a situation we should not assume guilt. Keep asking yourself, ?How can I judge this person favorably??"

"Living with this gratitude elevates you... You become a more joyful person. You become a kinder and more compassionate person. You become a calmer and more peaceful person. You become a person who lives in greater harmony with others."

"Not being able to cope with insults can cause much misery... Realize how insults are harmless in themselves... Try to view insults objectively... Do not let others have power over you unnecessarily... Being insulted for doing a good deed increases its value... Learn to remain silent to insults... A truth seeker who has mastered the attribute of humility will not feel insulted by many things that others might consider a slight to their honor. His goal in life is to gain wisdom and hence how others speak to him is irrelevant and inconsequential... When someone insults you, see if you can learn from what he says... How long will the insult be remembered by the person who said it? By anyone else who might have heart it? Insults are usually passing occurrences lasting from a few seconds to a couple of minutes, unless you keep on repeating them to yourself."