Great Throughts Treasury

"The greatest teacher in the world is known as: 'Trial and error'! This has given more people more wisdom than any other teacher possibly could. 'There is no greater wise person than someone with experience.' What does it mean to have experience? It means that one has learned from trial and error. If everyone would get it right the first time, experience would not be needed. Having the courage to try - even though you might make a mistake - enables you to [progress because you] learn from trial and error. This is a valuable reframe. Instead of becoming overly frustrated or discouraged when you make a mistake, realize that you are now becoming wiser [and so take some satisfaction in that]."

"The purpose of marriage is growth. By its very nature, marriage will continuously give you opportunities to develop your character. And the more challenging one's marriage - the greater the growth possibilities!"

"The realization that everyone perceives things differently, whether greatly or slightly, is a very important principle for dealing effectively with others. The greater your understanding of someone else?s perception of reality, the greater your ability to communicate effectively with him."

"The Right Comparison: A person can potentially use comparisons to mess up his life. For example, a person can go to the most elegant restaurant which employs the greatest chef. He can order the most expensive food. Then for the rest of his life he can say about any other meal, 'This isn't as good as the meal I once had in that five-star restaurant.' I recently related this example to a group of tourists. They laughed. And then one spoke up and said, 'I just realized that I do this all the time. Just last night at the fancy hotel we were staying at, my first comment after the meal was, 'This wasn't as good as the food I ate at another restaurant five years ago.' I didn't realize how foolish this response is.' Our patterns of comparisons will either be a way we prevent ourselves from enjoying what we have, or a way by which we gain a greater sense of appreciation. A sage once said, 'In spiritual matters look up and raise your sights. But when it comes to material and physical matters look down.' That is, in spiritual matters keep looking for role models to motivate yourself to reach higher and higher levels. But when it comes to appreciating [being grateful for and happy about] your possessions and your financial situation, look at those who have less than you and gain a greater sense of appreciation for what you have."

"The Scope [Chain of service, value and] of Gratitude: A friend of mine, Rabbi Leibel Benjaminson, described a self-improvement ('mussar') group in which he participated. In order to improve their sense of gratitude, everyone in the group was to select one thing that they do frequently - and then think for 10 minutes about its ramifications. My friend drank one cup of coffee every morning, and he chose this cup of coffee as his subject. He felt it would be easier to work on the assignment if he wrote his thoughts on paper. To his surprise, the 10 minutes quickly turned into 35. He wrote about how the coffee beans grew in Brazil. Someone planted the trees and took care of them until the coffee reached maturity. Then workers picked the beans from the trees. The beans were roasted and ground, and packed for shipping. He described all the work involved in the shipping industry which allowed the coffee to reach the United States. This alone required hundreds of people. Finally, the coffee arrived at the port in Haifa from where it was taken to his grocery story in Jerusalem. He wrote about the gas range that boiled the water, and the match he used. (And how much easier it is to use a match rather than have to rub two sticks together!) He wrote about how the gas reached his home and what was necessary to build his stove. He wrote about the water kettle that whistled to let him know that the water had boiled. The milk he added required the work of many people from the time it left the cow until it reached his coffee cup. At the end of 35 minutes, he saw he had not even begun to write about the actual cup, saucer, or teaspoon nor the table he placed it on, or the chair he sat on!! Through this exercise, he became aware of so many things he'd been taking for granted...Would you like to have a similar experience? Try it today: Pick something that you enjoy doing, and write as much as you can about what there is to appreciate."

"The more frequently you focus on your appreciation and gratitude for each breath, the greater will be your sense of daily gratitude... Now say, 'I am joyfully grateful for each and every breath.' [If you have any doubt of your gratitude, just imagine the alternative for a moment - not being able to breathe!]"

"The life of a person who loves to do acts of kindness will be a life of joy."

"The nature of a person is that when he talks about [focuses on] past misfortunes and suffering, he presently experiences more suffering. A person who constantly thinks about [focuses on] misfortunes of the past causes unnecessary sadness. In the extreme, after one unfortunate event a person can make himself unhappy his entire life - because he always tells himself how awful life is since that event occurred. Do not overly dwell [focus] on past misfortunes, and you will save yourself much unhappiness."

"The more you engage in joyful and grateful self-talk, the more your mind will be free from worry."

"The inherent value of every person, regardless of his accomplishments, wealth, or fame, is beyond comprehension. A person who internalizes this concept cannot possibly suffer from an inferiority complex. Moreover, he loves and respects his fellow man as they too have this element of divinity... It is true that our self-image is based largely on our past. But what counts is how we judge ourselves in the present. Regardless of how we were considered by others, we have the ability to change our own attitude towards ourselves... Every person is obligated to be aware that he has great worth."

"The Story of Your Life: We each have a story of our life. How we choose to label the story will have a major impact on whether we will experience much happiness or much sadness. [How we choose to label the story depends on what we choose to compare the experiences to: something better and feel disappointed and bitter but something worse and feel relieved, happy and grateful.] Two people might have very similar life experiences, but one person will keep his main focus on the things that he was happy about, while the other focuses on the opposite. One person focuses mainly on his achievements and successes, and how he can keep developing himself and achieving even more in the future. The other person focuses mainly on his failures and limitations. One person?s life is full of gratitude and appreciation, while the other person?s life is full of resentment and regrets."

"The Talmud relates a story about two people who wanted to travel by boat. One broke his foot and was unable to make the trip, while his friend got on the boat. The one who missed the boat cursed his misfortune. A few days later, however, he heard that the boat sank and all the passengers drowned. [It is hard to know what is good luck and what isn't and therefore whether we should be happy or sad about it. Only time will tell]"

"The thoughts you think create your feelings and emotions. The thoughts you think are the key factor in what you say and do. The entire quality of your life is totally dependent on the thoughts you choose to think [focus on]. Choose thoughts of gratitude. You will be tremendously grateful that you did."

"The Torah forbids us to harm or cause suffering to others. Even from a selfish perspective, we should be careful not to harm others, since we will ultimately suffer because of it. Some guidelines: -- Refrain from causing others pain or unpleasantness through actions or words. -- Refrain from insulting others. -- Refrain from talking negatively about others, unless it is necessary for a practical and constructive purpose. -- Refrain from lying to others. -- Refrain from deceiving others in financial matters. -- Refrain from causing others financial losses. The money of others should be as dear as our own. [The Golden Rule: treat others as you would like to be treated]"

"The Two Skills of Happiness: Happiness is a skill that can be learned. To acquire this skill, it is necessary to master two basic skills: --1) The ability to focus on happiness-producing thoughts, as opposed to those which cause unhappiness. --2) The ability to evaluate events and situations as positive instead of negative [- by for example comparing them to something that is worse and then you can't help but feel grateful that they are not worse]. (Or at least to lower the degree of negativity - i.e. rather than considering some discomfort as a tragedy, evaluating it as minor.)"

"The wise man focuses on the process of obtaining wisdom. His mind concentrates on understanding the words he is presently reading. A fool is only interested in finishing. His goal is to show off his knowledge for this he needs to tell others he has finished. Make your goal understanding, not merely finishing."

"The words you speak program and condition your mind. When you speak words of gratitude, you are programming and conditioning your brain and mind to experience more and more gratitude. Speaking words of negativity and ingratitude program and condition your brain and mind to experience less and less gratitude and more and more misery. You create your habits and your habits create you. By speaking words of gratitude regularly, you are developing the habit of speaking words of gratitude. The more you keep up this habit, the easier it becomes to say even more words of gratitude. As you continue to speak words of gratitude, thoughts of gratitude are integrated into your mind and you will spontaneously think and speak this way. Catch yourself whenever what you say is an expression of a lack of gratitude. Instead of being upset with yourself for still lacking as much gratitude as you would wish, be grateful that you are becoming more aware of your lapses. This awareness will enable you to be more careful from now on. It would be a good idea, to resolve that whenever you hear yourself saying something that is ungrateful, you immediately make five statements of gratitude."

"The world is filled with limitless opportunities for pleasure and enjoyment. What destroys this potential is that we become used to what we already have and take things for granted. [We no longer see what we have as wonderful. Familiarity has brought contempt and discontent. To renew our vision of life we need to become imaginatively aware that everything could be worse and then we will again feel relief, gratitiude and happiness that it isn't!]"

"There is no time limit on gratitude. If you realize in the present that you hadn't expressed gratitude to someone for something that he did for you a long time ago, don't think that it's too late to express gratitude. Whenever you remember past kindnesses and favors done, express your thoughts and feelings of gratitude now."

"Think of instances when you persisted and were later glad that you did."

"Those who realize that life is for growing and developing from each and every challenge, each day of our lives, live a life of joy."

"Thoughts will always keep racing through your mind, gently keep your focus on all the positive details of your life. Realize that you are the one who chooses what thoughts to dwell on. Choose those thoughts which will enhance your life."

"Two people can have lives that seem very similar from the outside. They both can have what seems to be a good life. They have nice homes, plenty of food, a fine family, good jobs. Yet the quality of their lives can be polar opposites. One lacks gratitude. He is always dissatisfied and unhappy. He always focuses on what he considers to be missing. He always has complaints. He creates negativity wherever he goes. The other has mastered gratitude. He lives a more spiritual life. He is always grateful and joyful. He always has a good word to say about others. He is a pleasure to be around. He is constantly in a state of well-being. He consistently makes others feel good."

"Uncover Your Accomplishments: There are many accomplishments in life that are often overlooked as being accomplishments. For example, developing your character is a great accomplishment...Each difficulty that you cope well with is an accomplishment. Doing an act of kindness for another person is an accomplishment. (And the less you feel like doing it, the greater the accomplishment!)"

"Unrealistic expectations are at the heart of much of our emotional pain... Major areas of expectations are: the world should be exactly as I wish, other people should do and be exactly as I wish, I should be able to accomplish whatever I wish."

"View Yourself As Patient: Our self-image creates us. This applies to the strengths we see in ourselves, as well as weaknesses and limitations. Patience is no exception. People who view themselves as 'impatient' will have many thousands of reinforcers over the years. For example, if someone became impatient just three times a day for five years, he will have 5,000 experiences of impatience! Focusing on these experiences will make it relatively easy to be impatient in the future. By viewing yourself as a person who is patient, you will find it easier to be patient whenever patience is called for. If you have been patient just three times a day for five years, you have 5,000 experiences of patience. Each new time you are patient adds to your self-image of being patient. Your foundation will continuously become stronger and stronger."

"Turn Your Faults Into Virtues: The Dubner Maggid offered the following parable: A king owned a magnificent diamond which accidentally sustained a deep scratch. The royal diamond cutters said no amount of polishing would remove the flaw entirely. But one expert volunteered, 'I can rectify the flaw in a manner that will render the diamond more valuable than before.' The king told him to go ahead, and with great skill he engraved rose petals on the diamond. The deep scratch served as the stem of the flower. Similarly, said the Dubner Maggid, a person can transform negative traits into virtues. With creativity, you can use your mistakes and faults in a way that will gain you more than you would have otherwise. [You can turn your failures into strengths and your ignorance into leaning and eventually wisdom.]"

"Use the lives of great people as models for your own life. When you see the elevated behavior of people who achieved excellence, learn from them and walk in their footsteps. This will help you to be successful in all areas of your life. Today, think of five great people you would like to emulate. As you reflect on these people, you will become more and more like them."

"View every person [or experience] you find difficult [or unpleasant] as your partner in character development. View every encounter as an opportunity to [learn about and] develop your positive qualities [for when else can you try different methods and practice them]."

"Wake Up From Sleeping With Enthusiasm: Every morning when you wake up, you are given another day of life. This gift of life is precious. To say that it's precious is really a colossal understatement. Being alive is more valuable than anything else that one can own and possess. The greater your appreciation for being alive, the more enthusiastic you will be when wake up each morning."

"We cannot think [focus on] two thoughts at the same time. Consequently, when negative thoughts arise, you do not need to fight them. Make an effort to think positive thoughts, and the negative thoughts will disappear."

"We have the ability to change our self-concept... Hardly anyone utilizes his entire capabilities. Most people use a low percentage of their potential and could accomplish much more than they realize. By raising your opinion of what you are capable of accomplishing, you will accomplish more."

"We all have a constant flow of thoughts and mental pictures in our minds."

"We all have answers to the question of how to view life in general. Even a person who has not consciously formulated a point of view implicitly manifests one. Some people view life as an adventure, full of excitement and opportunities for accomplishment, while others view life as a painful experience that must be endured. Regardless of how you have been viewing life in the past, you can begin to have a more positive attitude if you consciously make an effort to think along positive lines. Just realizing it is your choice can give you a large amount of control and help you improve. Whatever your attitude towards life and events, you automatically serve as a model for others. By having attitudes conducive to happiness, you influence others to be happy."

"We have the ability to form the habit of changing our thoughts to other subjects as soon as we think negatively about others unless it?s for a practical and constructive purpose. When we do think about other people, the question to keep in mind is, ?How can I do some act of kindness for this person?? If we focus on helping others, we will not become angry at them."

"What a person believes about himself and his abilities is [often] a self-fulfilling prophecy... Believing you are inferior, untalented, unimportant or incapable, influences your abilities. If you view yourself as unable to do things, you will be unable to do them. On the other hand, if you see yourself as talented, capable, and important, your self-concept will open up powers and talents that would have otherwise remained dormant. Hardly anyone utilizes his entire capabilities. We can accomplish much more than we realize. By raising the perception of your capabilities, you will accomplish more."

"What Do You Say to Yourself After Someone Criticizes You? Imagine that someone criticizes you. Then imagine yourself feeling joyful about this wonderful opportunity to learn something positive from the criticism. Imagine that you love to hear feedback about what you've said and done or didn't say and do. Positive feedback means that you are on track. Critical feedback means that you can now improve and develop yourself. Imagine that your self-talk sounds like, 'I appreciate and am grateful for this wonderful opportunity to become better. I am grateful to this person for telling me something that will be beneficial for me.' If you actually respond to criticism this way, congratulations! It shows that you have integrated one of the elevated qualities listed in the 48 factors to acquire Torah. If you are like most people, however, you don't think of critical feedback as one of your greatest pleasures in life. But if you have the inner strength, courage, and honesty to be open to hearing criticism, you will grow more in life. So what can you say to yourself if you have not yet mastered the ability to love criticism? One possibility is: 'My goal is to constantly grow and develop myself [Evolve into my best self]. I love positive feedback. But I can grow from critical feedback. So I will increase my inner strength, courage, and honesty to be open to hear what people say, and to weigh what they say objectively.' You don't have to feel bad about yourself because someone gave you critical feedback. [We are all growing as people and because of this criticism you are now in a position to be better tomorrow than you are today and were yesterday.]"

"We never had it so good: Every person alive today derives great benefit from comforts and pleasures that were not available in the past. All of the latest technological advances serve us to a remarkable degree. For all this we should be full of appreciation and gratitude."

"What Does Life Want From You? - Viktor Frankl, a Jewish physician who spent the years of the Second World War in the concentration camps at Auschwitz and Dachau, related, 'I remember my dilemma in a concentration camp when faced with a man and a woman who were close to suicide; both had told me that they expected nothing more from life. I asked both my fellow prisoners whether the question was really what we expected from life. Was it not, rather, what life was expecting from us? I suggested that life was awaiting something from them.' The person who feels despair and discouragement is asking the wrong question. He asks what the world is giving him. As soon as he changes his question to what is the good [service] that he can do, he will always be able to find an answer."

"What would you love to achieve and accomplish? What would you feel great about doing in your life? What meaningful goals would you wish to reach? Imagine achieving and accomplishing everything that you would wish [dream] for. Picture yourself reaching your highest aspirations and your most meaningful goals. Visualize yourself speaking and acting the way you would wish with the highest and best character traits."

"Whatever you focus your attention on [good or bad, desired or not], you increase. This one principle is the key to mastering any trait and skill."

"When a person looks through a colored lens, everything seems to be that color. If the lens is tinted yellow or blue, everything seems yellow or blue. A person who looks at life through the lens of gratitude will always find things to be grateful for."

"When ['bad'] events occur in your life, at least leave the situation as a question mark in your mind, 'How do I know this will really turn out bad for me?' The answer is that you never know with absolute certainty that it will. Many things that you now perceive as strongly negative are questionable if they will really turn out bad. Why make yourself irritated in a doubtful situation by taking for granted that this is really so negative?"

"When a shirt falls from a high place, there are some people who say, 'I am grateful I was not in that shirt.' At first glance, this seems like a very odd thing to say. But after some thought we can see it makes sense. Human beings are susceptible to all sorts of diseases and accidents. Many things can harm a person. Even a person walking on solid ground can trip and break a limb. Someone could choke on his food. With imagination you can picture events that have remote possibilities of actually happening. A wise person is constantly aware of his lack of power to protect himself and realizes how easily he can be harmed. When he observes something falling, he is immediately aware that he could easily fall down, too. This serves as a reminder that he should be grateful [not only for the good that he has but for the bad that he doesn't have]... The main desire of each and every person is to live a life of happiness. This is the underlying motivation behind diversions such as games and music. Why should the art of feeling joy that potential harm did not happen be less than the art of enjoying music? The person who can feel joy because he is not ill or injured lives a happy life."

"When dealing with a person you find difficult, keep in mind that this person's way of behaving and thinking might be causing him to suffer even more than he is causing you to suffer. See life from his point of view - and be compassionate."

"When someone is doing something wrong, feel sorry for him that he is harming himself by doing the wrong thing. Feelings of compassion will prevent feelings of anger."

"When you experience joy, you feel good because your magnificent brain produces hormones called endorphins. These self-produced chemicals give you happy and joyful feelings. Research on these biochemicals has proven that the brain-produced hormones enter your blood stream even if you just act joyful, not only when you really are happy. Although the joyful experience is totally imaginary and you know that it didn?t actually happen, when you speak and act as if that imaginary experience did happen, you get a dose of endorphins. These chemicals are naturally produced by your brain. They are totally free and entirely healthy. Many people find that this knowledge inspires them to create more joyful moments. It?s not just an abstract idea, but a physical reality."

"When working on improving yourself, it is easy to become discouraged because you do not see sufficient progress. Keep trying and do not give up. Every small amount of improvement is a success."

"When you believe that you can do something, you will have greater ability to accomplish."

"When performing a good deed that is difficult for you to do, instead of thinking how awful it is, appreciate that the difficulty is what elevates [grows and evolves] you!"