Great Throughts Treasury

"Happiness is between the lips and the rim of a glass."

"Happy hour is whenever we want it. Unless we also want cheap drinks."

"He that scatters thorns, let him not go barefoot."

"He who has none hates those that have much."

"He who gives quickly gives twice."

"He is gaping like a calf at the painted gate."

"He knows nothing. He thinks he knows everything. That clearly points to a political career."

"He who laughs last, laughs longest."

"He who climbs a ladder, must have his brains in his feet."

"He who hesitates is probably right."

"He who laughs last thinks slowest."

"He who lies once is never believed again."

"Healthy soul in a healthy body."

"He prays but has a devil under the skin."

"Hit any key to continue, or any other key to quit."

"Hit any key? With what?"

"He who tickles himself can laugh whenever he wants."

"Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is the better defense."

"How they see you, that's how they perceive you."

"Hungry bellies have no ears."

"How you make your bed, thus will you rest."

"Hunger will lead a fox out of the forest."

"I don't care WHO you are. You're not walking on water when I'm fishing!"

"I don't get even, I get odd."

"I drink to make other people more interesting."

"I can resist everything except temptation."

"I am having an out of money experience."

"I hate this machine. It never does what I want, only what I tell it."

"I have a plan so cunning, you could put a tail on it and call it a weasel!"

"I like you, but I wouldn't want to see you working with subatomic particles."

"I have not lost my mind. It's backed up on disk somewhere."

"I owe much. I have nothing. The rest I leave to the poor."

"I took an IQ test and the results were negative."

"I tried to be reasonable once. I didn't like it."

"If everyone swept in front of his house, the whole town would be clean."

"If enough data is collected, anything may be proven by statistical methods."

"If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried."

"If it were not for the hands, the clock would be useless."

"If it can't be expressed in figures, it's not science. It's opinion."

"If I had known I was going to live this long I would have taken better care of myself."

"If it weren't for me, there'd just be a pile of my clothes on the floor."

"If only one price can be obtained for a quotation, the price will be unreasonable."

"If the farmer is poor then so is the whole country."

"If the goat didn't jump, she wouldn't have broken her leg."

"If the goat didn't jump, she'd have a miserable life."

"If we let people see that kind of thing, there would never again be any war."

"If you are going to fight, pray once; if you are going to sail, pray twice; if you are getting married, then pray thrice."

"If the universe has any purpose more important than topping the woman you love and making a baby with her hearty help, I've never heard of it."

"If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?"

"If you can't create it, respect it."