Great Throughts Treasury

"After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him. The moral: When you’re full of bull, keep your mouth shut."

"After seeing kids play polo against big guys, it only shows that horses are the greatest equalizer in the world. No matter what you weigh, the little fellow is your equal on a horse."

"Ain’t but one thing wrong with every one of us in the world and that’s selfishness."

"Ain’t it funny how many hundreds of thousands of soldiers we can recruit with nerve. But we can’t find one politician in a million with backbone."

"Alexander Hamilton originated the put and take system in our national treasury: the taxpayers put it in, and the politicians take it out."

"Alexander Hamilton started the U.S. Treasury with nothing - and that was the closest our country has ever been to being even."

"All doctors should make enough out of those who are well able to pay to be able to do all work for the poor free. One thing that a poor person should never be expected to pay for is medical attention and not from an organized charity but from our best doctors. Your doctor bill should be paid like your income tax, according to what you have."

"All I know is just what I read in the papers, and that’s an alibi for my ignorance."

"All Senators travel a lot. They all try to keep away from home as much as they can."

"All the speeches during the convention had nothing whatever to do with law. They were all preludes to the next presidential election. They were opening overtures in the Follies. And you can't blame 'em. Pretty near everybody that does something has got a reason, and lots of times it's a pretty good one... But to get back to the lawyers and their convention. They just have a thousand committees to fix everything. They got one, too, to drive the shyster lawyer out of their ranks, but it's sorter like a skeleton in the closet, some of the more old conservative ones don't want it dragged out. But they are doing a lot to eliminate him. Not all they could do if they entered into it whole heartedly (they could kick 'em right out of the courts) but they are doing something."

"All there is to politics is trading. That’s why politics is not as good as it was years ago. They don’t have as many old-time horse traders in there. These we got are just amateurs. They’re crude with their trades. There is really no “finesse.” You might not get that. “Finesse” is a French word and it means sneaking it over."

"All there is to success is satisfaction."

"All we hear is “What’s the matter with the country?” “What’s the matter with the world?” There ain’t but one thing wrong with every one of us in the world, and that’s selfishness."

"All Wrigley had was an idea. He was the first man to discover that American jaws must wag. So why not give them something to wag against?"

"Always drink upstream from the herd."

"America already holds the record for freak movements. Now we have a new one. It's called Restoring Confidence. Rich men who never had a mission in life outside of watching a stock ticker are working day and night restoring confidence. Writers are working night shifts, speakers' tables are littered up, ministers are preaching statistics, all on restoring confidence."

"America can carry herself and get along in pretty fair shape, but when she stops and picks up the whole world and puts it on her shoulders she just can’t “get it done.”"

"America has the best politicians money can buy."

"America is a great country, but you can't live in it for nothing."

"America is a land of opportunity and don’t ever forget it."

"America is a nation that conceives many odd inventions for getting somewhere but it can think of nothing to do once it gets there."

"America is becoming so educated that ignorance will be a novelty. I will belong to the select few."

"American invents everything, but the trouble is we get tired of it the minute the new is wore off."

"An economist is a man that can tell you anything. His guess is liable to be as good as anybody else’s, too."

"An economist’s guess is liable to be as good as anybody else’s."

"An ignorant person is one who doesn’t know what you have just found out."

"An onion can make people cry, but there has never been a vegetable invented to make them laugh."

"Ancient Rome declined because it had a Senate; now what’s going to happen to us with both a Senate and a House?"

"And if you call one a real estate agent and he won't sell you anything. He is a REALATOR. It's the same as what the old fashioned real estate agent used to be only the commission is different."

"And kid Congress and the Senate, don't scold 'em. They are just children that’s never grown up. They don't like to be corrected in company. Don't send messages to 'em, send candy."

"And, when the votes are counted, let everybody, including the candidates, get into a good humor as quick as they got into a bad one."

"Andrew Jackson was the first one to think up the idea to promise everybody that if they will vote for you, you will give them an office when you get it, and the more times they vote for you, the bigger the office."

"Anybody whose pleasure is watching somebody else die is about as little use to humanity as the person being electrocuted."

"Anyhow good luck to all my lawyer friends, and to you, too, Mr. Whatever-your-real-name is. You have to fill your column, and me mine, so we are even. And I bet you are a good guy at that, and good luck to you."

"Anyhow they are like a lot more of the crafts that many of us live by: great, but useless. One level-headed smart man could interpret every law there is. If you commit a crime you either did or you didn’t, without habeas corpus, change of venue, or any other legal shindig."

"Anything important is never left to the vote of the people. We only get to vote on some man; we never get to vote on what he is to do."

"As a young boy, I didn't know a Republican from a Democrat, only in one way: If some man or bunch of men rode up to the ranch to sit or stay all night, and my Father set me to watching 'em all the time they was there -- what they did and what they carried off -- I learned they were Republicans."

"As bad as we sometimes think our government is run, it is the best run I ever saw."

"Asking Europe to disarm is like asking a man in Chicago to give up his life insurance."

"Bankers are likeable rascals. Now that we are all wise to 'em, it's been shown that they don't know any more about finances than the rest of us know about our businesses, which has proved to be nothing."

"Banking and After Dinner Speaking are two of the most Non-essential industries we have in this country. I am ready to reform if they are."

"Baseball is a skilled game. It’s America’s game - it, and high taxes."

"Baseball is in for a great year. It’s our national game and will always be our national game. We become a great nation under baseball and commenced to flop the minute we started to take up a lot of poor substitutes."

"Be a Politician—no training necessary."

"Be a Republican and sooner or later you will be a Postmaster."

"Be thankful we’re not getting all the government we’re paying for."

"Been reading Sunday’s casualty lists from automobiles. It looks like everybody gets run over but Presidential candidates. Is there no justice in the world?"

"Before you complain, think of Peru."

"Being a hero is about the shortest lived profession on earth."

"Being serious or being a good fellow has got nothing to do with running this country. If the breaks are with you, you could be a laughing hyena and still have a great administration."