Great Throughts Treasury

This site is dedicated to the memory of Dr. Alan William Smolowe who gave birth to the creation of this database.

Will Rogers, fully William Penn Adair "Will" Rogers

American Cowboy, Actor, Humorist, Social Commentator and Vaudeville Performer

"Don't raise anything, except what fits your appetite. Then the price don't worry you. Just raise all you can eat and let the low prices go by."

"Don't squat with your spurs on."

"Draft capital as well as men. Boys, there ain’t going to be no war."

"Education never helped morals. The most savage people are the most moral. The smarter the guy the bigger the rascal."

"Elections are a good deal like marriages. There's no accounting for anyone's taste. Every time we see a bridegroom we wonder why she ever picked him, and it's the same with public officials."

"Even if you are on the right track, but just sit there, you will still get run over."

"Even if you are on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there."

"Even when our next war comes, we will through our shortsightedness not be prepared but that won’t be anything fatal."

"Even when you make a tax form out on the level, you do not know when it is through if you are a crook or a martyr."

"Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it."

"Every Gag I tell must be based on truth. No matter how much I may exaggerate it, it must have a certain amount of Truth.... Now Rumor travels Faster, but it don't stay put as long as Truth."

"Every guy looks in his pocket and then votes."

"Every Harvard class should have one Democrat to rescue it from oblivion."

"Every land or property owner in America would be tickled to death to pay 45 per cent of his profits, if he didn't have to pay anything if he didn't make it."

"Every man gets an opportunity once in a lifetime."

"Every man is ignorant - just on different subjects."

"Every man’s religion is good. There is none of it bad. We are all trying to arrive at the same place according to our own conscience and teachings. It don’t matter which road you take."

"Every nation must have its legalized form of gambling. We have our Wall Street."

"Every time a lawyer writes something, he is not writing for posterity, he is writing so that endless others of his craft can make a living out of trying to figure out what he said, course perhaps he hadn’t really said anything, that's what makes it hard to explain."

"Every time a woman leaves off something she looks better, but every time a man leaves off something he looks worse."

"Every time somebody has thought of relief for the farmer it has been to make it so he could borrow more money. What he needs is some way to pay back. Not some way to borrow more."

"Every war has been preceded by a peace conference. That’s what always starts the next war."

"Everybody in Washington seems to be apologizing to each other. In Washington they just generally figure that one hatred offsets the other and they are both even."

"Everybody is excited over who will win the election in Chicago. The side with the most machine guns will win it."

"Everybody is ignorant -- only on different subjects."

"Everybody likes to hear it straight from the boss, even if you are going to get fired."

"Everybody nowadays is suggesting ways of getting prosperous on somebody else’s money."

"Everyone likes a good quote - don't forget to share."

"Everything is changing. People are taking the comedians seriously and the politicians as a joke."

"Everything worthwhile is a good idea, but did you ever notice there is more bad ideas that will work than there is good ones?"

"Fanatical religion driven to a certain point is almost as bad as none at all, but not quite."

"Farmers are learning the relief they get from the sky beats what they get from Washington."

"Farmers have about given up hope of getting farm relief and have decided to fertilize instead."

"Farmers have more Associations, and Bureaus, and Clubs, than they have pitchforks."

"Farmers spend more time at Conventions than they do plowing."

"Farmers, get out your sense of humor. Congress meets to relieve you again next week."

"Finding things to tax is becoming quite a problem. You see when taxes first started, (who started 'em anyhow?) Noah must have taken into the ark two taxes, one male and one female, and did they multiply bountifully! Next to guinea pigs, taxes must have been the most prolific of animals."

"Flew through these dust storms last night. It's a terrible thing, and it's going to bring up some queer cases in law. If Colorado blows over and lights on top of Kansas, it looks kinder like Kansas ought to pay for the extra top soil, but Kansas can sue `em for covering up their crops."

"For the American people are a very generous people and will forgive almost any weakness, with the possible exception of stupidity."

"Fords and bathtubs have you and cleaned you. But you were just as ignorant when you got there. We know a lot of things we used to didn’t know but we don’t know any way to prevent ‘em happening."

"Funny thing about being a U.S. senator, the only thing the law says you have to be is 30 years old. Not another single requirement. They just figure that a man that old got nobody to blame but himself if he gets caught in there."

"Funny to watch these Senators switching back and forth on Prohibition. Politics is a great character builder. You have to take a referendum to see what your convictions are for that day. May 29, 1930"

"George Washington was a politician and a gentleman. That’s a rare combination."

"George Washington was quite a farmer. He was a farmer, Civil Engineer and gentleman. He made enough at civil engineering to indulge in both the other luxuries."

"Get a sales tax, small on necessities and large on luxuries; then a stiff inheritance tax on the fellow that saves and don't spend. That will get him either way. A tax paid on the day you buy is not as tough as asking you for it the next year when you are broke."

"Get all the good laughs you can."

"Get in the cabinet; you won’t have to stay long."

"Get someone else to blow your horn and the sound will carry twice as far."

"Get this one: There was a time a few years back when a dig at the lawyers at the Bijou Theater was a sure fire laugh, but now the so-called humorists have sensed the distastes in the mouths of the public for such efforts of humor."

"Get this: We have always appreciated Mr. Rogers but because of his droll ill-advised remarks we find our enthusiasm beginning to jell. In other words, I was funny when the joke was on the other fellow, but any about me is ill-advised, and don't jell at all."